Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Chris Drury is a Slag-Faced Whore

by S(h)ara



And it's not just because he defected to the Rangers.


All of Buffalo collectively held it's breath last June waiting for the moment that it would be announced which of our Co-Captains were leaving. On July 1, we absorbed the blow that not just one of them, but BOTH had been lost to free-agency. It hurt to see Danny Briere leave. He was the heart and soul of the team, to me--giving interviews regardless of whether or not we lost, donating his time to charity and calling in to the Kiss 98.5 morning show every Thursday morning at 7:45. But Danny was reunited with his BFF and former travel roomate Marty Biron and he got a bangin' deal. The contract he was offered from the Sabres--$25 million over 5 years, was kind of a slap in the face, in my opinion. He was the All-Star MVP last year, had 95 points, finished the season at +17 and Darcy couldn't give him a raise? Bulldoodle. However, I couldn't begrudge Danny his going to Philly, much as I tried.






Drury, the slag-faced whore, is another story.











The Sabres matched what the Rangers were offering Drury--$35 million over either 5 or 6 years, I can't remember--and he chose to go to the Rangers, saying he had always wanted to play for that franchise. At the start of the 2006-2007 season, I heard a story that Drury put a picture of The Cup up in the Sabres lockerroom and said something along the lines of "This is what we are working for. This is our goal." In the words of Anne, he probably felt he had done all he could in Buffalo and wanted to worm his way into another team with a longer history. And, he probably has a crush on Brendan Shanahan.






But these are not my only reasons for Chris Drury's status as one of the biggest slag-faced whores in the NHL. Even though he was a Co-Captain, Drury never gave a post-game interview if we lost. (Briere would always talk to the press, regardless.) And, unlike many of the players, you never heard about Drury's association with a local school or charity. The second we lost to Ottawa, I think Drury was done with Buffalo.





Well, Dru, that's great that you wanted to win The Cup, again, but your stats this season lead hockey fans to believe that it's not gonna happen. The Rangers are ranked 10th in the Eastern Conference. (Buffalo is still in 11th place.) Last season, "Captain Clutch" had 69 points and a +1 rating. This season? 31 points and a -12 rating. Wow, Dru, great career move. At least in Buffalo, you had good on-ice chemistry with your teammates which lead to more scoring chances and goals.




I really hope the Sabres win tonight, not just cause we need the two points, but just to one up you and rub your face in the fact that the Rangers suck hard too.

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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


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