Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Hockey Hangover

by Anne

I woke up this morning nauseous and with a pounding headache. Last season I would've blamed it on the newly swirling about pollen that comes with this warming time of year. Now I blame it solely on the Buffalo Sabres.

I feel almost as sick as I did the day after we went out for St. Patrick's Day. And that was the most hungover I've ever been in my entire life. I haven't puked yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if I did.

This is how the Sabres make Anne feel today


Normally I try to find the good, I try to say "Hey, here are the good points!" "Don't hate the team!"

BUT, I take it all back. I am personally mad at each Sabre. I know they didn't want to lose, but they certainly didn't play like it. A 3-1 lead would've been sufficient last year, but GUESS WHAT? This isn't last year! This team isn't 1/2 as good as last year's team. Forget Briere and Drury, this team just sucks. Would've sucked with them, sucks without them.

They all suck. Forget being young, forget having a lot of pressure put on them. SCREW YOU. Every player in the national hockey league has the same amount or MORE pressure than any Sabre. Can you imagine what it's like to be Sidney Crosby right now? People have spent years talking about how he's the next Gretzky, he's hurt, and now everyone is saying the team is fine without him? No pressure to be great when you get back, Sid. Pominville sits somewhere around #20 in the league in scoring, Roysie, not far behind. While that's nothing to sneeze at, where has it gotten us? Not too far. There was a time when we were 5th in the Conference. 5TH!

Now we'll be lucky if we finish 10th. Even if had made the playoffs, we would've been swept in the first round, and that would've been embarrassing.

Fuck it all. Stop playing Miller. The jig is up, he's mentally exhausted. While I don't know if benching him will really help him, I think that we need to anyway. I know Thibault isn't so great, but neither is this team

This pack of let-downs needs to re-group this offseason and figure out what the hell they can do to fix this team. ARGH! I can't even blame Kalinin! He's my favorite scapegoat!

All I know is Weber and Sekera are not totally at fault. They were the only players who snagged a + for the Sabres last night. And thats not because they didn't play much, either. Weber had 20:19 minutes and Sekera had 25:17.

Andrej "Reggie" Sekera is my new favorite Sabre. Doof looks too much like a skeezy guy who dated some friends of mine for me to love him.

Smile pretty, Reg!

I know, I stare off into the distance trying to find answers about this team, too

But, because he's a Sabre, I still hate him.

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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

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