Sunday, June 1, 2008

Ryan Whitney's Playoff Beard is Crying

by Anne

It's chestnut, it's auburn, it's red, its blonde. Ryan Whitney's playoff beard has the makings of one of the greats. This is the first time we've gotten to see it go the distance. I'd like to see it come back again. However, not at the expense of the Sabres. Never. Although... if he became a Sabre....

Whatev. They gave it a good go. It's not over yet... buuuuuut.....yyyyeeeahhh.....

Onto my new love: totally obscure baseball teams whose successes and failures have no bearing on my well-being.

Tampa Bay won 2-0 today. Woo. Suck on THAT, White Sox.

Scott Kazmir set a club record with his 5th win in the month of May. His ERA is now 1.22 which was described in one article as "astonishing".

Here's what I've learned: I know "wins" are "good" and a record number of "wins" means you play "well" so, since his ERA of 1.22 was mentioned in the same breath as "record" and "wins" and not as in "in spite of his 1.22 ERA", this leads me to believe a low ERA is "good" and that 1.22 is "low". I'm a genius. They have one pitcher with a 6.14 ERA, I'm guessing that's "bad".

They are STILL atop the AL East, 1 game ahead of Boston and now 6 games ahead of the Yankees who've moved from 5th to 4th.

I found a site that explains baseball abbreviations. For example "SO" does not mean "Shut Out" it means "STRIKE out" and "TP" means "Triple Plays" not "Toilet Paper". Look out, baseball world! Soon I will have a vague pedestrian understanding of the way you list your statistics! Then I shall be unstoppable!!! Muahahahahhahah!!!

First Stephanie from Top Chef, now the Rays. Looks like things I choose to throw my support behind for no good reason tend to excel. I should move away from Buffalo and pretend I've never heard of hockey, and start supporting the Sabres, maybe that'll help.

Back to hockey, briefly:

I realized last night that I'm secretly glad that the Penguins are losing.

Ok, ok, hear me out, PensNation.

For me, their downward slide is more annoying than catastrophically painful. It doesn't carry the same gut-wrenching agony that a Sabres loss provides. Therefore, it merely serves as a somewhat unpleasant reminder of where my heart truly belongs.

So, Sidney, while I'm sorry you more than likely will not be hoisting that Cup later this week, I'm not sorry that you've help to set me back on track earlier rather than later. Sorry, Sid! You'll get there someday, I'm sure of it. Love ya!

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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

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