Saturday, July 5, 2008

Job Opening: #5

by Anne

Sabretooth's House would like to announce a job vacancy that must be filled. "Anne's Top 5 Favorite Sabres" is holding a job fair to fill it's latest vacancy - a hole left open by one Mr. Steven "Big Bear" Bernier.

1. Pommer
2. Pie/ Sissy
3. Yo-yo
4. Goose
5. ____ ?

Now accepting applications. Please be sure to indicate if you have any mad love for "the system", adorably sweet interview styles, a seemingly unquenchable desire to single-handedly save the world or a startlingly frank attitude towards discussing your team's shortcomings. Also be sure to indicate your ability to make yourself available for me to swoon over you at my leisure. Players previously featured in this list will be given stricter consideration, Drew Stafford and Ryan Miller. Better not be any grammatical errors!!!

All applications will be taken between the close of training camp and the season opener with the winner to be decided shortly thereafter. Craig Rivet, this will be a difficult process for you, but I trust you'll dazzle me with your application and hockey skillz. Please don't hate Buffalo!

Pommer, Pie-YAY, Sissy, Yoyo, Goose: Sabretooth is saving us a table at the smoothie stand, let's bounce. Don't want to keep him waiting.

The rest of you: #2 pencils ONLY!

Name:

Date of Birth:

Hometown:

Totally badass nickname:

Adorable childhood anecdote about your early hockey experiences:

Your 3 favorite things about Buffalo:

How do you take your coffee:

Team you hate the most:
(the answer is Ottawa, fyi)

WHY IS ADAM MAIR SO SCARY?:
If you ARE Adam Mair, then your question is: In how many ways can I make myself less scary?:


Should you be accepted, will you help to convince Nathan Gerbe to be my Facebook friend?:

Will YOU be my Facebook friend?!?!:

When presented with the opportunity to insult a list of players I despise, what will your plan of verbal attack be? Insulting their mother? Digging into deep long-repressed childhood fears? Discussing your, um, recreational activities with said players wife/girlfriend?:

Which player currently on my list do you think you're way better than and should be kicked off the list, yes this question is a trap, the answer is NONE OF THEM OR YOU'D ALREADY BE UP THERE, DREW STAFFORD:

Please also attach any adorably awkward childhood photos, past and recent photos of you lookin' snazzy and any and all photographs that will potentially make me weak in the knees.

And that should cover it for now. Flowers, Sabres merchandise, chocolate and cars are accepted as bribes. This is not an ethical organization, people.


3 comments:

  1. I wish my job interviews were this entertaining, Anne!

    WHY IS ADAM MAIR SO SCARY?

    Now that is the million dollar question!

    yes this question is a trap, the answer is NONE OF THEM OR YOU'D ALREADY BE UP THERE, DREW STAFFORD

    Poor Drew, you know he was totally ready to answer that one!

    any and all photographs that will potentially make me weak in the knees

    I think you should make a special side-note for TimmyHO on this one...knowing him, you may get some inappropriate photos coming your way. haha

    ReplyDelete
  2. Adam Mair is kinda scary, but in a sexy way. I may be the only one, but I thinks he's quite cute.

    And definitely beware of any pictures that Timmy-Ho sends in.

    ReplyDelete
  3. YO, GOOD CALL on the TimmyHO photo potential. OK, so for Timmy, you can just send me adorable pictures of you cuddling with puppies and kittens, and you'll definitely be needing to send me flowers and chocolate.

    And, Adam Mair doesn't really terrify me, but for some reason he makes me uncomfortable. Not in a TimmyHo kind of way, more in like a "ticking time bomb" kind of way.

    ReplyDelete

Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

anniebeeswax [at] gmail [dot] com

ColorJunction