Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Has Anyone Else Kind of Forgotten About Hockey Lately?

by Anne

OKAY so I didn't FORGET about hockey, but for like a legit week I dedicated no more thoughts to hockey other than "Is that really tall cute guy Paul Gaustad? oh, nope, not at all." while working all day in Delaware Park. And almost everytime I got a text message I hoped it was: "BREAKING NEWS: The Buffalo Sabres have signed RW Jason Pominville to a 20 year, $400 million contract, for more details, consult the Oracle at Delphi". It never was, obvi. COME MONDAY I START TO BREAK OUT INTO COLD SWEATS, DARCY!!

Things that have occupied the space in my head normally reserved for hockey:


  • Shakespeare
  • If it is morally wrong to punch an annoying 16 year old in the face, if you are said 16 year old's teacher
  • My student loan not going through yet
  • All they money I thought I had to buy a car with went toward buying a furnace in like April and no one told me. THANKS!
  • THERE ARE LIKE 6 BILLION DIFFERENT WAYS TO GET LOANS FOR THINGS
  • If I should buy all Camp Rock folders for school, despite never having seen the movie and I hate the name "Shane"
  • Why my adviser hasn't emailed me back yet
  • Is it socially acceptable to wear these yoga pants I just bought EVERYWHERE I GO BECAUSE THEY'RE SO COMFORTABLE?!
  • If I don't get hired to carry food around the Arena, I'll shoot myself because I was probably the only thing approaching a normal human being at the job fair, and I'm quite a few body lengths away from "normal human being"
  • All the bazillion things on Facebook I don't want my students to see, so their viewing of my profile is so limited, all they can see is my name
  • At the rate I'm going, I'm never going to get married and have babies, yet I'm always thinking of fun baby names which I've decided to no longer reveal for fear in case I manage to somehow get married and have babies I can use them without someone stealing them
  • I'm kind of terrified of what'll happen if I take too many vitamins and get iron poisoning. I think I dedicate way too much energy to this fear
  • I don't care how many people tell me the real lyrics, the words are: "When I grow up, I wanna see the world, drive nice cars, I wanna have BOOBIES."
  • Perhaps my pushing hockey out of my brain is merely a defense mechanism because there's NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT
WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO WE LIVE IN WHEN I LEGITIMATELY WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH DEREK ROY'S OFF SEASON TRAINING? I DON'T CARE AT ALL ABOUT DEREK ROY WHEN HE'S NOT WEARING #9. These are scary, uncertain times.

8 comments:

  1. I don't care how many people tell me the real lyrics, the words are: "When I grow up, I wanna see the world, drive nice cars, I wanna have BOOBIES."

    WAIT THOSE AREN'T THE REAL WORDS??!!

    I THOUGHT IT WAS BOOBIES TOO!

    ReplyDelete
  2. IT IS TOTALLY BOOBIES! I DON'T CARE IF THEY SAY IT'S ACTUALLY GROUPIES!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm with everyone. I actually looked up the lyrics because I completely thought those were the words. I am SHOCKED.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I THOUGHT IT WAS BOOBIES TOO!

    It IS "boobies"!! "groupies" be damned!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. IT IS TOTALLY BOOBIES! I DON'T CARE IF THEY SAY IT'S ACTUALLY GROUPIES!

    Should we make t-shirts??!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm with everyone. I actually looked up the lyrics because I completely thought those were the words. I am SHOCKED.

    My sister told me on Monday and it completely rocked my world. Up was down, black was white. I was vehement in my disagreement. We both still say "boobies".

    ReplyDelete
  7. haha who woulda thought boobies would start so many comments.

    and p.s. I'm with you on the limited profile thing, but your students definitely need to see the picture of you and the ice cream cooler. no question.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Make T-shirts!!!!

    My friend thought I was retarded for thinking it was boobies. I didn't think they would say that, but they are the PUSSYcat Dolls...

    ...and yoga pants are totally acceptable :)

    ReplyDelete

Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


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