Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Media Guide: The IMPORTANT parts

by Anne

So instead of catching up on reading, I chose to peruse this years media guide.


Lala (new nickname? I'm terrible at these) has really never taken a bad photo
Every picture I see of him I hear this subtext:
"Ha! Are you really about to take my picture? Oooooooook"
He's kind of dreamy. WAAAAYYY more dreamy than TBO, and that is really my main criteria for a back up goaltender, if they win games, that's just gravy.
I want someone pretty to look at on the bench.
Lindy needs another man to lighten the load

There are no words that can express my love for Tone's roster photos
this years is a VAST improvement over last
However, last year's photo was so delightfully ridiculous, I'm afraid I'm going to miss it

Hahahaha Pie is so adorable. Really, I can't think of anything that PieYAY has done recently that hasn't been adorable. Nope, nothing.

PieYAY is thinking reeeeeeaaaalllllyy hard, or he's licking the extra pixie stick sugar off of his lip.
Did Mairsy get him M&M flavored Lip Smackers?
Poor Pie, he's just going to eat the entire thing and get a tummy ache
Whoever dug up this photo to put in the media guide is my new BFF
I really can't see anyone but Pommer fighting PieYAY for supremacy in my SabreHeart

Had this picture been the first roster photo I'd ever seen of Webby, I would not have labeled him Doof. Therefore, I'm thrilled beyond words that this roster photo came out later.
And thrilled because Doof is actually quite the looker. Woooo!!

Weeeee! Who scored a goal last night?
Who did? Who?!
That's right, Derek Roy did.
What's that? Oh yeah.
GerbeDerby did too.

Mike Kostka wins the Pommer Award for most unexpectedly adorable roster photo

Then come the "He can't help it, its just his face." pictures:

Tim Kennedy, I love you dearly and you're a great hockey player,
you look like if my sister had been hit with an ugly stick and not gotten braces as a child
I still love you and your girlfriend is apparently smokin' so who gets the last laugh really, TK?

Marek... oh Marek.
You and Nikolai Khabibulin now form the "mildly resembles a new born bird." class of hockey players.

This was in my Facebook news feed and I had to share:


I got the word about officially starting at the Arena on Saturday. My call time (what a theatre loser) is 5:30 but that red carpet thingy starts at 5:00. Might this be a logistics nightmare? Probably yes.

My hockey widget is all wacked out and has given Ottawa 2 points already in the standings. Ummmmm, como? Whatev, it also says Buffalo hasn't played any pre-season games yet.

Fantasy hockey seems awesome but I know I'd never keep up with it, so I miss out. Just like I missed out on the Cabbage Patch Doll craze of the mid 1980s, I am passing on fantasy hockey. The real reason I'm not doing it, is because I can't think of a good name for a team. Straight up. That's really the main reason.

I was looking at older posts and DAMN I used to write some LONG posts. That was mainly because I was sitting at a desk in an office all day and had nothing else to do besides write absurdly lengthy blog posts. Now I write them between reading novels and Russian short stories that just make me depressed and wanting to hang out with Maxim Afinogenov all at the same time. Apparently there's a good Russian restaurant on Transit that I apparently get extra credit if I eat there. WHO WANTS SOME KVASS? Let's GO!

I'm trying to get interested in how other teams are doing this pre-season but its hard to give a hoot when you look at the play by play and you can't identify 75% of the players listed. I can barely ID all the men in Sabres' uniform, how am I supposed to become emotionally invested in Alex Goligosky's success with the Pens?

REMEMBER FOR A HOT MINUTE WHEN I WAS AFRAID I'D LOVE THE PENGUINS MORE THAN THE SABRES THIS SEASON BECAUSE I INVESTED SO MUCH ENERGY IN THEM DURING THE PLAYOFFS? hahahahahhahahahahahahhahahaha what a silly fool I was. How could I ever love Sidney Crosby more than Jason Pominville? Jordan Staal more than Adam Mair? Bitch, PLEASE. Now that they don't have Ry-ry, who cares? Colby Armstrong was banished to the barren wasteland that is Atlanta and Ryan Whitney is going to be out FOREVER (or like a couple month) so I just don't give a hoot. They're still my #2 team but back to being a verrrrrrry distant #2.

Oh yeah, and in case you were wondering who the #9 top hitter in the Eastern Conference was last season:

9-Paul Gaustad, Buffalo -- Known for his gritty play, Gaustad is a fan favorite in Buffalo because he’s fearless and productive. He posted a career high 10 goals and 36 points in 2007-08, working mainly on the third and fourth lines, and was re-signed by the Sabres to a four-year deal on the eve of free agency this summer. The four-season performer averaged just over 17 minutes of ice time each game, including power-play and penalty-killing minutes, and finished 13th in the League with 199 hits in 82 games. The 6-4, 222-pound center, who also sported a 54.9 face-off winning percentage, is usually parked in front of the net, seeking an opportunity for a deflection.

And because he shops at the same grocery store as this fearless and productive blogger.

Oh snap. Check ya later.


  1. Lalime is so good looking. Hopefully he'll be solid for us as a backup, but as of now I am liking him just for the sole reason that he's attractive.

  2. Atlanta is not a wasteland.I talked with Colby at practice the other day and he is excited about playing this season with the Thrashers.

  3. Atlanta is not a wasteland.I talked with Colby at practice the other day and he is excited about playing this season with the Thrashers.

    Ha. I know Atlanta isn't a wasteland, its just that their season projection is just sliiiiiiightly less than stellar, haha. I have lots of family in Atlanta so I've been there like a bazillion times. I hope Colby likes it there!! I was so sad when he was traded :(

  4. I LOVE seeing rookies add other rookies as facebook friends. Especially when we blogger fans have them added already...

  5. I LOVE seeing rookies add other rookies as facebook friends. Especially when we blogger fans have them added already...

    I bet TYLER MYERS doesn't see Gerbe's limited profile!!!


Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny

Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

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