Wednesday, October 1, 2008

The One Where I Apologize to Tim Kennedy

by Anne

Dear Tim Kennedy,

Hey TK, what's up? How's the whole "hockey" thing working out? Looks good from over here!

So either a conscientious friend of yours (NATHAN GERBE?!?!) or a fan who can't take a joke has decided to rip me a new one both by commenting on my blog and emailing me PISSED OFF because I make fun of you for giving awkward interviews.

Ok, so I hate to get all "real" here, but this is a BLOG. In no way should anything I say be taken as anything more than the ridiculous ramblings of a loser Sabres fan with too much time on her hands, or well, time she should be using to read and write papers etc. Frankly, I don't really give a HOOT about your interviews. There just isn't that much to talk about before the regular season.

I'm in fact really proud of you and really excited that another Buffalo boy is getting to play with his hometown team. You're doing us proud and it makes me smile. I'm glad you're realistic and know you'll be in Portland for the beginning of the year, but I really hope you'll be back in Buffalo soooooooon!!!! I only mock because 1. I'm pretty sure you or your homeboys will never read this blog and 2. because its funnier than me just talking about you being SWEET.

So I'm sorry I made fun of you multiple times for being awkward in interviews and for having a really awkward roster photo, but COME ON your roster photo isn't anything compared to the GEMS Thomas Vanek usually busts out. You at least look like you've bathed and combed your hair, Vanek usually looks like he slept in his car and hasn't showered since the baby was born, AM I RIGHT? Thomas Vanek fans please don't write to me because you're mad I mocked his picture. Anyone seen Kotalik's this year? YEESH. Anyway, I'm sure I'd sound like a royal ASSHOLE if there were like 97 microphones all up in my face and people were asking me crazy questions after I'd just left practice and was probably like pushing myself to the limit on the ice. Ok "pushing myself to the limit on the ice" means different things for you and me, for you its like an intense scrimmmage or complex drills or lots of sprints, for me its "skating for a solid 15 feet and stopping all without falling down."

I hope you (and by you, I mean whoever commented and emailed (maybe 2 different people?)) will accept my apology and realize that its a friggin' JOKE.

Basically your life rocks a lot harder than mine. So, in the end, who's the real winner here Tim? YOU, my friend, YOU.

Thanks to the person on Webshots I stole this from BOOYA.

Oh and, Tim, can you explain to me why we dumped Mike Ryan but picked up this Ellis guy who seems to have the same stats as Mikey but fewer NHL games, if you could get back to me on that I'd appreciate it.

Love ya! I'll stop making fun of you... unless you do something that really brings the LOLZ.

Love and I hope I've pacified your fan club,




    Oh, and by the way, WTF??!! HOW CAN YOU MAKE FUN OF TOMMY LIKE THAT??!! I'm just playing. Tommy Vanek = Tommy Pickles.


    Oh, and by the way, WTF??!! HOW CAN YOU MAKE FUN OF TOMMY LIKE THAT??!! I'm just playing. Tommy Vanek = Tommy Pickles.

    Yo. For a second I thought you were serious hahaha i was like "NOOOOOOO!!!!....Oh, hahahaha." For the record I love Thomas Vanek. LOVE. HIM. and Tim Kennedy. MUCH. LOVE.

    Think I've driven the point home sufficiently?


Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny

Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

anniebeeswax [at] gmail [dot] com