Saturday, February 28, 2009

Because You Won't Return My Calls

by Anne

Look. I don't think this is the proper place to do this but since you won't return my calls or anything I have to break up with you this way. I'm sorry but here's what I have to say:

Dear Buffalo Sabres,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but you're a leprechaun. I think I realized it when I saw the purple monkey outside your office and I saw you sit on the elephant in the corner. I'm sure you're open enough to understand that your Ford sucks. I'm returning your car and the couch cushions to you, but I'll keep my virginity as a memory. You should also know that I am better off without you and I'm off to lead a new life as a lemon.

With Tears of Sadness,
Anne*

There. I'm glad I got that off my chest.

I sold popcorn to Mylous Hairston tonight. He has really nice shoes.


*its a facebook mad lib thing, people

1 comment:

  1. See, now, I was going to write a stay-in-the-relationship-or-break-up-ultimatum letter today, but I think you nailed it on the head. =]

    Also, the approaching trade deadline is killing me.

    ReplyDelete

Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

anniebeeswax [at] gmail [dot] com

ColorJunction