Sunday, August 23, 2009

SCOOP OF THE CENTURY

by Anne

A certain fellow Sabres blogger (who chooses to remain silent) has forwarded me an email that was sent to her by an astute reader. This email links one to an article that brings the chuckles.

You know its August when things like this call me out of my summertime blogging stupor.

Anyway, the simple fact that I have to report is nothing remarkable (Ryan Miller apparently has a girlfriend...wooo....?) I generally don't care about the Sabres personal lives and generally don't like to comment on them. HOWEVER, when such information is WIDELY available (to people in New Jersey or with a computer) I feel comfortable in commenting.

This fearless Sabres blogger sent me a link to the website of this fine publication that heralds itself as "NY & NJ's #1 Entertainment Magazine!" and is peppered with pages of photos featuring half-naked drunk chicks at bars with other half-naked drunk chicks. Truly, whatever information this magazine declares is 100% supported by truth and journalistic integrity. "Steppin' Out", as the magazine is called, boasts an interview with some chick who was in that flop of a movie "The Goods" with Jeremy Piven. The interview was done by someone named Chaunce Hayden. On the cover she's in a tub covered with bubble bath and the caption is "Damn you Mr. Bubble... Damn you to hell!" Already, I'm intrigued, as I am clearly this magazine's target audience.

Not living in the New York City Metropolitan area, I was forced to peruse the digital version of this magazine. While doing so, my sister was prompted to ask me if what I was reading was porn. I assured her it was not, trying to sound confident but never sure if the next page I clicked to would feature a naked lady or two. Unfortunately, much worse, one page turn brought me this:


Truly a horror to behold.

Anyway, a few pages later after ads for multiple gentlemen's clubs, articles about tattoos and Bill O'Reilly we stumble across an interview with "actress" Noureen DeWulf.


Smokin' hot no?
"It Girl" might be pushing it a bit far

She blathers on about being in the background of a few movies and playing a stripper in "The Goods" and being Muslim and not naked or whatevs. Who cares. All we really care about is this passage:


Ok that's impossible to read.

Here's what it says:

I heard that you're dating Buffalo Sabres goalie Ryan Miller. How difficult is it to maintain a celebrity romance?
It's very challenging because when both people are well known so many people are attracted to you. I don't mean that in a crass way. There're a lot of opportunities to slip up.
Let's pause a moment. Ok, so she's dating Millsy. Great, fine, whatevs, that is neither here no there to me. But "celebrity romance?" Ryan Miller probably gets recognized three places: Buffalo, NY; East Lansing, MI; and in the actual NHL offices in NYC. I seriously doubt outside of those three places there are "so many people" clamoring for Ryan Miller's bod. Then she rambles about being more loyal than men are which I don't think we're supposed to understand means Millsy is boning those chicks in Buffalo that want him.

If you want to pay $10 you can have the full size image of this. I, however, do not:


How romantic...?
Nice white sport coat, Ryan.

I wish them much happiness as they attempt to make a normal life for themselves in their high-paced celebrity lives of being recognized at Wegman's and standing in the background of C-rate movies. Hopefully by dating him, and being her sugardaddy, she can de-rail her inevitable career path towards soft-core porn and commercials for phone sex chatlines. Much luck, Noureen. Hope to see you at HSBC Arena this season.

And, if they're not dating, I hope someone emails me with proof that they're not.

My annual foray into the Sabres' personal lives has concluded. I enjoyed it.

28 comments:

  1. I'm stuck on Miller's Don Johnson-esque sport coat. I know the 80s are back, but I didn't know they were back that much. If he's wearing loafers with no socks, there needs to be an intervention staged, stat.

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  2. I love that her answer about how hard celebrity romance is is not "It's hard to find privacy" or "It's hard because our schedules are complicated" but instead "It's really hard not to sleep with other people." Sounds like a keeper, Ryan!

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  3. Our Ryan seems to have gone 'Hollywood'. As long as he is happy and can play hockey WELL... I'm good. Hopefully he doesn't daydream of finer days with Ms. DeWulf while in between the posts.

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  4. Whoa. Shocking.

    If this is true, I wish them both happiness , and good hockey.

    And I don't mean good tonsil hockey.

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  5. She's a gem. Ryan, I always knew there was a special woman out there just waiting to be your girlfriend. Congratulations.

    I just hope she's able to resist Timmy. I can imagine it would be hard for a celebrity like her to keep from sleeping with him.

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  6. I was just reading my copy of Steppin' Out Magazine! My first thought was to zip to Sabretooth's House to see what Anne had to say, and you did not disappoint!


    ...and in the actual NHL offices in NYC

    That made me el oh el.

    I LOVE that we now know that Noureen and Ryan are both so universally desired that they have trouble being faithful. It must be hard being them.

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  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  8. Well.

    I guess I'm glad Ryan has found love 'supposedly' with a stripper? As long as he's happy and doesn't let it affect his hockey playing skills, I'm game.

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  9. Whadda you mean, scoop of the century? Where the hell have you been? They've been together since at least last spring. She was with him for the awards in Vegas, where all the players displayed their eye candy. A few details: She posed topless for Maxim, and calls herself Baby, she's 29-31 years old (most sources list 29, but Georgia high school records say class of 1996, which makes her 31), in any case she is not 25 as claimed in her bio. She was married to singer/concrete designer James DeWulf, for whom she tattooed a "J" on her stomach. Google Noureen DeWulf + Ryan Miller for other tidbits (although they've pulled a few of their pictures).

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    1. All of that is true. Actually, now she's 32, and not 28. I KNOW HER! So if you want more details about NDW, let me know!

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    2. She's 33*, born on 2/28/1980.

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  10. Uhhhh "Anonymous", if you read any of the post you might've realized that "Scoop of the Century" was a joke. I could not possibly care less about this "story" or how old she is or anything like that. But thanks.

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  11. I hope this doesn't bring more whining from Ryan about stalkers and lack of privacy. Most of his "stalkers" are puck bunnies and internet-savvy kids with too much free time who like to follow their hero. Ryan, if you don't want to be a public figure, give back the 31 mil, quit hockey and become a plumber. Then nobody will care if you show your ass.

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  12. The flushing sound you hear is Miller's good guy reputation going down the toilet...

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  13. So far, the only game Miller lost was the opener. So far, the only game Noureen attended was the opener. Hope she keeps her bad mojo away from the arena.

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  14. THEY'RE SO. FAMOUS. hahaha S(h)ara and I use that joke a lot.

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  15. Facari Indians know who Ryan is, too. So, piss off!

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  16. You are one of best hockey players of in the world!!!

    I am Canadian and would love to meet you one day.

    I hope my dream comes true.

    At your service...

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  17. Noureen Dewulf is a bipolar bitch who divorced her first husband because he wasn't rich enough. After cheating on him several times with a) an out of work actor b) Ari Sandel c) Neil Brennan (the director of Chappelle Show), she tried to squeeze all his money out of him. Then, she married Ryan Miller for the publicity and for the money. She admitted to most of her friends and family that she didn't actually love Mr. Miller but was only marrying him to further her career. How do I know this? Let's just say I know Ms. Dewulf firsthand...

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  18. Oh, she also told me that she "demanded" a $100,000 5 carat ring from Mr Miller...DEMANDED...otherwise she wouldn't marry him...

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    1. ^You sound more like a jealous fan girl who's pulling this crap out of her ass in an attempt to make Noureen look bad. I'm not the biggest fan of her's either, but COME ON. Make up a more believable story next time.

      I’m a big fan of Ryan’s, so being a typical hockey fangirl (I’m not in Toews or Kane stalker territory though), I’ve done some research on his woman. Her and her ex seem like pretty good friends these days considering they follow each other on instagram (@dewulfjames), and uh, she STILL has that tattoo, which I'm sure Ryan just adores (WTF Noureen?). Also, it seems like some of her ex's family members still like her/talk to her because I've seen them comment on her fb fan page. So it's hard for me to believe that Noureen cheated on him because there would probably be more hard feelings between them. I don't know what happened between her and her ex husband, but it looks to me like they just grew apart. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if she did want a husband that makes more money. Her dad is a doctor, and she grew up in a wealthy family living in a huge house. Many people who grew up privileged want the same lifestyle when they’re adults. Ryan makes 6 mill/year, and bought a big house in LA for them. Did they get a prenup? I don't know, but I know Noureen's enjoying this while she can. However, I hope I’m wrong, and that money wasn’t the reason she left her ex or married Ryan. That’s just terrible.

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    2. Now Ryan seems to genuinely love the girl, and I’m happy he found somebody who makes him so happy. On one hand, I think they are just adorable together, and I like Noureen when she supports him and everything. On the other hand, I wonder what the hell goes through her head when she gives interviews/tweets/posts pictures of herself that make her look stuck-up, ignorant, and full of herself. I don’t know her personally, so maybe she really is a nicer, smarter person than she comes off. I know Ryan’s family/friends also seem to like her, as well as the other Sabres and their wives/gfs. Ryan’s a smart, sweet, charitable guy (which is what I admire most about him), so I hope he really did marry someone that truly loves him for him, and will be there for the long run.

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  19. If Noureen graduated in 1996 - that would make her birth year 1978. Which is plausible because she married James Dewulf in 2000.

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    1. She was definitely born in 1980, and graduated from HS in 1998. Here's a link from her HS newsletter (or something) to prove it: http://www.woodward.edu/data/files/gallery/ContentGallery/alumni_fall2011.pdf (CTRL+F & search "Noureen"). I'm pretty sure they got married after she graduated from college in 2001 (a year early for her), so she was 21 at the time.

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  20. I'm not so sure about the ex-husband/cheating situation, but she has definitely lied about her age. In an interview, she said she graduated Boston College, and that she moved to L.A. in 2003 - unless she graduated early, which I'm sure would be mentioned as she tends to brag about herself, that would make her birth year THE LATEST 1980-1981, not 1984 as published on IMDb and Wikipedia. Which is not bad, as Ryan was born in 1980, but I don't get why she lied about her age in the first place. And comparing pictures from a few years back to now - it looks like she as had some work done, especially her lips, as a way to "attempt" (poorly) to look younger. She's only 34, why does she need surgery? Knowing the kind of guy Ryan is, I hope she isn't as selfish and full of herself as some say she is, but her Instagam selfies and her Olympic blog says loads. I've also noticed that she gives very strange, nonthoughtful and vague answers when asked questions about Ryan, and their marriage - even alluding to the fact that Ryan pursued her so strongly that she broke down and said "okay," when they started dating. A lot of things just don't add up with her, but as long as Mr. Miller is happy.....

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    1. Agree with everything, esp. that last part. You probably saw the same interview I did when she hinted that she said yes to Ryan only after he was so "persistent." It felt like she basically settled for him. Gee, Noureen. Being with an NHL player who seems to always treat you well, makes a huge salary so you would never have money worries, and is an all-around great, generous guy that's been so loved in the Buffalo community for years... yeah, it could be worse. Let's remember who the divorced one is here. If you're being picky and have higher standards than that for your second spouse, then the problem is likely you.

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  21. I'm actually wondering if their divorce was more one-sided. Her ex-husband may have been the one who really wanted to call it quits because of her supposed spending habits. They are still friends, but he's probably happy that they're not together anymore. The whole situation and Noureen's personality are just very shady. She doesn't seem like a genuine person, although it looks like she's fooled a lot of people into thinking she is.

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    1. Shady indeed. I've read a lot of Noureen's interviews to find out details about her, and there are things she said that come across very bitchy, ignorant, and vain. And if she lies about her age, you have to wonder what else she lies about. She also acts like her flop/straight to dvd movies are something to rave out, (i.e. The Comebacks) to make herself sound like a bigger deal than she is. And now being on that HORRIBLE show with Charlie Sheen, she has even a bigger head. The show's ratings have gone down the drain, and the only reason it's still on air is because FX ordered 90 more episodes + syndication after the first season.

      She is a massive attention whore. She uses Ryan to gain more followers on twitter/instagram. I'd say about 90% of them are Sabres/Blues/other hockey fans who only follow her AND know her because of Ryan. Honestly, I think he can do a lot better. Marrying a divorced woman when the divorce rate for FIRST marriages is high enough, let alone second marriages... AND having a long-distance marriage with your divorced wife? Yeah, maybe not the best idea...

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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


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