Sunday, November 22, 2009

How we gonna paaaaaayyy...

by Anne

I didn't watch Saturday's Sabres' game. I was seeing a musical about people who have foreclosed on their homes called "mortgage." Or something like that. They all seemed to have AIDS and all the girls were in knee high boots with crazy curly hair. I'm not sure, but that sounds like me on a typical Saturday night. Wait, I don't have AIDS. Not that there's anything wrong with having... nevermind.

ANYWAY, the point is I didn't watch the game and henceto therefore happenstantially I can pretend it went anyway I want.

Here's my take:

The Sabres had a COMMANDING 3-0 lead CHARGING UNRELENTINGLY into the third period. Patrick Lalime had already stopped 34968734.4 shots, all by Jason Spezza with two somehow by Dany Heatley all the way in San Jose Theodore.

THEN, as if by BLACK MAGIC, Chris Neil and Jarkko "Chompy Times" Ruutu held Lalime hostage and locked Miller in a beer portable and the Sabres were forced to play the entire third period with NO GOALTENDER.

THEREFORE, Myers, Tallinder, Rivet, Lydman, Sekera, Perreault, Korab, Barnaby, McKee, Mogilny, and TSUJIMOTO combined to block an additional 5386723 and 2/3 shots. HOWEVER, those evil RAT BASTARD Ottawa Senators managed to fire off 5386728 and 2/3 shots and they won 5-0. Or wait, I guess it was 5-3 with the Sabres 3-0 lead EATEN ALIVE.

ANARCHY AND CHAOS AND PANDEMONIUM SHALL RAIN DOWN FROM THE STREETS OF BUFFALO.

This is how I choose to believe WHY WON'T MY V KEY WORK PROPERLY that game went.

In a related story, the Ottawa Senators have released their new uniform design:


I JUST REALIZED THAT MOST OF THE SENATORS I REALLY HATE ARE ON OTHER TEAMS.
Whatevs.

Good night.

The Kings lost too.

They suck.

MAYBE IT'S ME? Why do all my teams SUCK and then alternately ROCK sometimes? I can't take the swinging of the pendulum, BOYS. WIN MORE.

I wish the Sabres were more like my fantasy team. We are kicking ass and TAKING NAMES. What does that expression even mean V KEY START WORKING ALL THE TIME PLEASE VVVVVVVV.

Yes, I am intoxicated.

Oscar has some thoughts: lp.tjuvb jnhb

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Good night

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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

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