I didn't watch Saturday's Sabres' game. I was seeing a musical about people who have foreclosed on their homes called "mortgage." Or something like that. They all seemed to have AIDS and all the girls were in knee high boots with crazy curly hair. I'm not sure, but that sounds like me on a typical Saturday night. Wait, I don't have AIDS. Not that there's anything wrong with having... nevermind.
ANYWAY, the point is I didn't watch the game and henceto therefore happenstantially I can pretend it went anyway I want.
Here's my take:
The Sabres had a COMMANDING 3-0 lead CHARGING UNRELENTINGLY into the third period. Patrick Lalime had already stopped 34968734.4 shots, all by Jason Spezza with two somehow by Dany Heatley all the way in San Jose Theodore.
THEN, as if by BLACK MAGIC, Chris Neil and Jarkko "Chompy Times" Ruutu held Lalime hostage and locked Miller in a beer portable and the Sabres were forced to play the entire third period with NO GOALTENDER.
THEREFORE, Myers, Tallinder, Rivet, Lydman, Sekera, Perreault, Korab, Barnaby, McKee, Mogilny, and TSUJIMOTO combined to block an additional 5386723 and 2/3 shots. HOWEVER, those evil RAT BASTARD Ottawa Senators managed to fire off 5386728 and 2/3 shots and they won 5-0. Or wait, I guess it was 5-3 with the Sabres 3-0 lead EATEN ALIVE.
ANARCHY AND CHAOS AND PANDEMONIUM SHALL RAIN DOWN FROM THE STREETS OF BUFFALO.
This is how I choose to believe WHY WON'T MY V KEY WORK PROPERLY that game went.
In a related story, the Ottawa Senators have released their new uniform design:
I JUST REALIZED THAT MOST OF THE SENATORS I REALLY HATE ARE ON OTHER TEAMS.
The Kings lost too.
MAYBE IT'S ME? Why do all my teams SUCK and then alternately ROCK sometimes? I can't take the swinging of the pendulum, BOYS. WIN MORE.
I wish the Sabres were more like my fantasy team. We are kicking ass and TAKING NAMES. What does that expression even mean V KEY START WORKING ALL THE TIME PLEASE VVVVVVVV.
Yes, I am intoxicated.
Oscar has some thoughts: lp.tjuvb jnhb
Couldn't have said it better myself.