Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Cease and Desist.

It has been brought to the attention of the NHL that a certain blogger who claims to reside in "Sabretooth's House" has developed the ability to curse and injure certain players. As a result, foes of the Buffalo Sabres in the Eastern Conference have fallen to a variety of maladies. With today's announcement that Penguins rookie Tyler Kennedy has been diagnosed with mononucleosis, we must ask that this "Anne" (whether or not that is her real name) cease and desist with the sending of her evil witch-power to other teams. Evil witch-power use will not be tolerated, as outlined in section 275 part Q of the Official Rules and Regulations of Hockey Fandom. Any person or persons caught using evil witch-power for the advancement of his or her chosen team will first receive a warning letter. If they continue the use of said evil witch-power, steps will be taken. Since it appears that evil-witch power has been used on "Anne's" chosen team, as evidenced by the rash of groin injuries among the Buffalo Sabres, no dramatic steps will be taken at this time. The NHL would like to remind "Anne" and her fellow blogger "S(h)ara" that any further use of evil-witch power to help the poor struggling Sabres will result in serious action, such as watching Danny Briere and Chris Drury score hat trick after hat trick for their new teams.

The NHL still encourages its fans to curse loudly at games, yell at the visting team's fans and tell visting teams that they suck. Thank you.


  1. But! But! I don't get it! I LIKE Tyler Kennedy! Is this someone else's revenge on ME? Heh? I LIKE the Pens! Maybe I didn't specify in my evil voodoo that I wanted all other teams except the Pens to suffer. What? I never actually said that. I just might've thought it! Oh come on, NHL! Take off the cuffs! Everyone thinks bad things about other teams! Bah!



Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny

Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

anniebeeswax [at] gmail [dot] com