Friday, January 25, 2008

Game +

By Anne

As I did not watch all of tonight's game (they play better when my viewing is intermittent) I cannot give a 100% accurate +/- so I will merely highlight my thoughts on last night's game.

I brought back the I Heart Buffalo Hockey sweatshirt. It didn't play full prominence in the Leafs game and I didn't wear it during the Phoenix game as hoodies are frowned up on in law offices, but I busted it out last night, freshly washed.

Also, whilst cleaning my room last night I came across a quarter. As I reached to pick it up I realized it was the Texas state quater. I opted not to touch it. It paid off.
Onto the game:

DEAR LORD I LOVE DEREK ROY. Not in the way S(h)ara loves him, but just enough. The Stafford Roy Vanek line really is on fire these days. I didn't jinx them! That second goal was some absolutely bee-you-ti-full passing between Vanek and Roy. Staffy gets it out of the zone up to Vanek, he and Roy go in on a 2-on-1. Staffy to Britney, Britney to Roysie, Roysie to Britney, Britney sends it immediately back to Roysie: GOAL! Well. Done. Boys.

Britney, last night was the 2nd goal you've been denied recently because of a high stick. I sincerely applaud the effort, but let's work on this in practice. Hitting puck into net with stick when stick is above crossbar= bad. But you are improving and now that the rest of your boys are back in town, I think you'll be ok. You can still keep the babies.

I always forget how big Danny Pie-YAY is until I see him stand someone up against the boards. Same with Staffy. Nevermind that their stats clearly indicate they are over 6' tall and over 200 lbs. Never mind! Confession: I can't read.
Stuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Barnes scored. Tooooooooooooooooooo bad he doesn't play for the Sabres anymore. Like, fo' reals, too bad. I really loved Stu Barnes when he was a Sabre. I was so mad when he was traded.

THE (2nd) GREATEST AMERICAN HOCKEY FORWARD OF ALL TIME: Mike Modano (after Pat Lalalalalalalalafontaine of course) was dee-nied points. Sorry buddy.

Yo Millsey was pretty B-A last night. He had at least 1 highlight reel save, but it was when he wasn't stopping the puck that earned him his B-Aness. First he tripped someone. Whoops. Millsey, intentional or not it still looked like you could've kept it from happening, but well done. Ales got yo' back. He served it fo' ya. And then some Star, I'm not sure who, took a whack at Millsey's glove after he'd already snatched up the puck by his mask. So what did Millsey do? He speared the dude in the groin region with his stick. It was really the only place on the dude he could reach. Well done Millsey! Millsey don't take dat shizz.

While I agree with Katebits of the Willful Caboose that the Sabres aren't trying to kill us, I really think they'd like to give me a stress-induced heart attack to accompany my hockey ulcer.

At this time I'd like to call Jochen "Yo-yo" Hecht to come forward and accept his award as the BAMF of last night's game.

Yo-yo,

You have often been our team's most consistent player. In a season in want of playmaking, you, Pommerdoodle and Grizz are an excellent trio, combining to make some beautiful plays. You've been called upon to center this line, even though you are truly a winger, and you have delivered. Your post-game interviews are far too infrequent. Your "I can't look at you when I'm talking because I'm not supposed to talk to strangers" demeanor, accompanied by your adorable lisp and seeming inability to engage the sides of your mouth when speaking English, is what makes me adore your interviews so.

No one can deny that your style of shooting the puck on the net is well, messy, but somehow you manage to frequently backhand the puck through that hole between the goal tender's left ear and his glove. Presumably, Pommerdoodle creates a diversion by performing one of his many tricks learned in obedience school in the off-season and that's how you manage to sneak those pucks by.

However, tonight we do not honor you for your role as a center, as an assistant captain or even as a forward. Instead, we honor you for your role as a defensemen. In the waning seconds of the third period, Millsey blocked a shot on the right side of the net that went rogue all the way over to the left side of the net, leaving Millsey wildly out of position and Stars' defensemen Mike Riberio was ready and waiting. He took the pass and just as he was trying to gain control of it, you swept your stick into his and knocked the puck away, denying what was guaranteed to be a goal. For this, Mr. Hecht, we salute you and offer you, #55, your first BAMF award of the 2007-2008 season. Congratulations. You've earned it.

The current BAMF stats are as follows:

Millsey - 2
Sissy - 2
Staffy - 2
Pie-YAY- 1
Goose - 1
Pommerdoodle - 1
Kotalik (really?) - 1
TimmyHo - 1
Grizz - 1
Yo-Yo- 1

I can't believe Roysie hasn't been BAMF yet. I think we should toss him an honorary BAMF for his goal scoring lately. He has, what, like 5 goals in 4 games? Something like that, I don't feel like checking. It's a lot.

A Note: BAMF was begun December 1, 2007 to reward those who were playing well in this craptastic time. There have been many T-OCs handed out but I do not record those as we need not dwell in the past. Those players know of their transgressions.

Quote of the game goes to Harry Neale. While seeing a Stars fan beating on the glass while a scrum for the puck is taking place:

Harry: Look at that. The only difference between that fan and a horse's rear end is that that fan can vote in the upcoming election.

Thanks, Harry! As soon as I saw that guy, I was racking my brain to find the differences, and you laid it right out there for us!

Congrats to Alfie for his 7 point night. That's truly an accomplishment. Wait. You were playing Tampa Bay? Oh. Well, good job, but that hardly seems fair.
Pittsburgh lost. Booooooooooooo. It was a hard fought battle though, so I can accept it. At least the Leafs lost.
I fully plan on watching the Super Skills competition tomorrow but have no interest in the game. However, congratulations to Soupy and I hope you have fun this weekend. Try not to be too lonely without any teammates there, I'm sure you'll make friends.

Ha. I believe this picture:

Sutton drags down Kobasew




Lead directly to this picture:

Somewhere under Pretty Ricky is Chuck Kobasew. Hahahaha. Well done Andy Sutton, well done.

And an eff you to the Dallas Stars: Tell us to get over the 1999 SCF? I don't think so. We won't. You cheated. But you can't tell us to get over it and then play the song 1999 by Prince as the Sabres come out onto the ice. Gross.

Everyone enjoy the weekend off! This weekend will consist of my favorite and least favorite mascots and our favorite professional athlete names of the past seasons along with highlights from the SuperSkills competition. Go Vinny! Go Ovie! Go Tim Tom!

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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


Disclaimer, yo.

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