Monday, January 28, 2008

All-Star Weekend

By Anne

I was negligent in my updating this weekend, but I felt if most hockey players had the weekend off, so too should I.

S(h)ara, Tina and I watched a DVR-delayed Superskills Competition. Well, we didn't get to see hardest shot because I hit a button and it made it live and we lost about 20 minutes. Whoops.

Anywho. We made it into a drinking game. We had many many elaborate rules but we only ended up using maybe 5 of them. They are as follows:

  • Whenever a player's rank in the league or on their team in points, assists, SV% or whatever statistics are posted on the screen.
  • Whenever the number of All-Star games the person has been to is mentioned or appears on the screen.
  • When someone present in the room declares how much they love a player, present at the All-Star game or not. We were most often called on this for:
  • Anne - Vinny LeCavalier, Ryan Getzlaf, Tim Tom
  • S(h)ara- Vinny LeCavalier, Dion Phaneuf
  • Whenever Anne, or anyone else for that matter, declares how hot Rick DiPietro is.
  • When the "Is this the Year" or Millsey's Amp commercial were played.
It was a good time and we drank a lot.

I have to ask: why were the Jonas Brothers the entertainment on Saturday? I've never seen them perform or really even heard their music, but one of them really looks like Greg Brady from the Brady Bunch movie. I have no idea which one. Nick? Steve? MollySue? I don't know their names.

The "Biggest Cohones of the Weekend" Award goes to Usher. He busts into the All-Star game in his home town and proceeds to tell all the NHL All-Stars that while he can't play hockey, he can do everything else better than they do, and they can't do anything he does. I was like, uhhhh, Ush? Aaaaaaall of these people here are there to see hockey (and the Jonas Brothers) and most of them probably didn't even realize you'd be present until you started flapping your gums, so shut it.

Hats off to Soupy. Good job. A 3 point night (1+2) and 3rd star of the game. You did Buffalo proud. You've also succeeded in making us look even stupider when we lose you to free agency. But, nevertheless, you rocked it out and made us look good as our lone representative. Especially when even the announcers were like "Hey, look at that! Skating! Playmaking! I didn't actually know Brian Campbell was a good hockey player." Yes. Yes he is.

I also enjoyed when they interviewed him and were basically pointing out that Millsey is not a good puck handling goalie and that Pretty Ricky is. Soupy was like, "Yeah its nice but uhhhh Millsey is still my BFFL. We have bracelets to prove it" BtW: mmmmm. Rick DiPietro is so hot. (Drink)

Do you think Soupy is going to be like a huge name dropper when he meets up with the team in Tampa? Like "Haha, funny story boys, when I was in the locker room with Daniel Alfredsson, he and I were swapping stories with Scotty Gomez and then Alexander Ovechkin popped out his fake tooth and came over to join in on the fun and then that whacky kid Ilya Kovalchuk was doing the greatest Gary Bettman impression. Did I mention this was all at the All-Star game which I attended and was named 3rd star of the game? Ha ha ha. Oh, excuse me Zdeno's calling. We're grabbing drinks with Marc Savard before our game up there next week. Hey Pommerdoodle, why's the tail between the legs? Millsey, looking a little menacing with the brows there. Is this because of what I said about Ricky D? Ha, funny story about Ricky...Mairsy why are you throwing me out the door-"

Coming later in the day will be S(h)ara and Anne's Team of Sexy v. Team of Ugly. This is where we choose the hottest hockey players in their positions and create a hockey team out of them and then pit them against the ugliest players in the NHL. Hopefully I will have very little to do today and work and can bring you favorite names and mascots as well. Wooohoo.

Hooray! Hockey starts again tomorrow! Yay!

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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


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