Monday, January 14, 2008

Pain in My Soul

By S(h)ara


No, I'm not talking about the fact that Anne and I got to see the Sabres make history on Saturday when they set a franchise record by losing 9 in a row. No, I'm not talking about the fact that Anne and I committed Sabres blasphemy by saying we missed a certain forward who's initials are Danny Briere.


This is much worse.


Anne and I are lucky enough to have a contact at the arena to feed us rumors and free beer. However, this rumor burns my soul. Rends my heart in two. My all-time favorite player, two-time All-Star and ladies man of SoHo is perhaps going to be traded to the Blackhawks.


Yeah, that noise you just heard was the sound of my heart breaking in two.


Why can we not keep good players in Buffalo? Why? And why must we trade my favorite Sabre who also happens to be a bitchin' defenseman? Hello? He's been voted into the All-Star game two years in a row, posted a career-high 42 assists and 48 points last season (he's at 25 and 29 respectively, for this season) and he's ranked 5th among defensemen for assists. AND WE'RE TALKING ABOUT TRADING HIM!!! Darcy, what have you been smoking lately? If we keep Kalinin and get rid of Soupy I am going to be ROYALLY pissed, not in the least because I blew 20 bucks on a Soupy t-shirt that may very well be useless after this year.
I hate trade deadlines. They make me want to throw a temper tantrum, because my favorite players always get traded.
SOUPY DON'T LEAVE!!!! WE NEED YOU! (And, uh, I'm just a little in love with you, I don't care if Bucky Gleason called you a "skating tomato".)

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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

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