Tuesday, January 15, 2008

When I can't find a single star to hang my wish upon, I just move on,

By Anne

Ok, so S(h)ara is reeling from the possbility (read: inevitability) of Soupy's trade to another team in the near future (post All-Star game, but pre-deadline) So, to ease the transition, I'm helping her move on, by coaxing her into developing her love for her new favorite player:

Let's have a photo show, shall we? Each photo shall highlight a different reason to love S(h)ara's new favorite player: Derek Roy
Born May 4, 1983 in Ottawa, Ontario, He won the OHL rookie of the year award in 2000, what a guy!

From an early age, you can clearly see that Mr. Roy has S(h)ara's favorite Sabre written all over him:

He even wore Staffy's number then, how sweet. Look at those early 90's technicolor laser beams! We all had that school picture option, but Roysie's mom was ballsy enough to choose it for her bad-ass son who, clearly, can pull it off.

As little Roysie grew, he changed teams. From whatever random-ass Canadian team he was on in the above picture, to the Canadian World Junior team in 2003, along with once and future teammates, Daniel Pie-YAY and Nathan Paetsch.

So, neither of the other two in the picture are Paetsch or Pie-Yay, but you get the picture. Look how little he is! Look at the curly hair, S(h)ara!

Then, dearest Roysie went on to play for the Kitchener Rangers that year and took home the Memorial Cup as team captain:

Then, he won the Stafford Smythe award for Memorial Cup MVP:

Did Soupy ever do any of those things? Nay, I say, nay. Ok, so he won some other awards...but forget those! They don't matter now!

Then! Joy of joys! Roy of Roys! Dearest Royise was drafted! Ok so he was technically drafted before the WJC and before he won the Memorial Cup, but that doesn't matter in this timeline! Along with linemate Pommerdoodle, Royise was drafted in 2001 by our dear, beloved Buffalo Sabres!.........ok so he played for Rochester for a couple seasons first, but check out that roster photo owwwww!, can anyone say smouldering?

And then, one day, new favorite Sabre Roysie, made his way to the Buffalo Sabres line-up:

Where he has firmly remained, and shall for several more years, where we hope to see more photos like the following:

But hopefully fewer pictures like this:

Here! Learn about his house!

It is well documented that Derek Roy loves small fuzzy animals, helping the elderly cross the street, singing for orphans, and reading storybooks to blind polar bears at the Buffalo zoo. He is currently injured, and out for the near future, but one day soon, Roysie will return to the ice and take his rightful place as S(h)ara's new favorite Sabre.


  1. From one Derek Roy fan to another, I've got to say, that's the most entertaining thing I've read all year! Two thumbs up.

  2. Love that first photo. Was S(h)ara convinced? Does she love Derek Roy now? Hey, if nothing else, he's signed for five more years after this one. He's not going anywhere any time soon!

  3. S(h)ara is coming around. It is our mission to make sure we post any and all sweet/cute/endearing things that Roysie does, in order to keep her love strong.


Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny

Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

anniebeeswax [at] gmail [dot] com