Wednesday, February 13, 2008

I wish I may, I wish I might

by Anne

It's times like these, when the post-season is gleaming on the horizon and we have a loose grip on a playoff spot that I start to wish one thing.

No, dear friends, I do not wish for injuries to befall other players, or for a blockbuster trade. I do not daydream about "it" nor do I wish for an elaborate series of losses by opposing Eastern Conference teams. Do I spend my waking hours hoping against hope that Teppo will come back? No. Do I wish for all of the other teams in the NHL to refuse to play the Sabres out of fear and in awe of our badass-itude? No, none of those things sit atop my wish list.

Times like these, when things are close and could go either way, I wish for that most horrible of all things. The worst imagineable thing to be. I shudder to even think that the thought of this fate could even cross my mind, but I'll admit it anyway.

More than anything right now I wish that

I was a Puckbunny.

Think about it! They go to the games, they don't give a crap about the score, or the standings, or a player's individual on-ice performance! All they care about is how good the hockey players look and which one they'd most like to um, be "intimate" with! (It's a family blog people...disregard previous curse words).

I can TOTALLY (try to) DO THAT. I didn't wear any Sabres gear to Sunday's game because they've won the games I attended when I didn't wear any Sabres logo-ed things. Instead, I opted to dress as though I were going out on a regular day and just felt the entire time that I looked like a puckbunny. Not that I am particularly puckbunny-esque in my overall appearance (translation= I'm not blonde, tan or skinny), but I felt like I looked like I was trying too hard.

Don't worry, people, I could talk for a great deal of time about the finer physical attributes of our beloved Buffalo Sabres (and I think I have) but, sadly, even a hockey player whom I deem attractive. Petey (if you've never met him in real life, I could understand dissention, but having met him and talked to him he's a nice guy and cute too) doesn't usually crack the top 20 in my list of favorite Sabres on the current active roster. However, Drew Stafford, who I don't know if I'd find attractive if he weren't such a sweet hockey player, is regularly on top of that list. My inner puckbunny is ashamed.

Would I find Sissy's ugly mug appealing off the ice? No, but if I met him would I squeal with joy? Absolutely.

If Clarke MacArthur were a random dude at a bar would I be ok with flirting with him? N- well actually I might.

Did I thoroughly enjoy when S(h)ara and I ventured into puckbunny land last month and developed our rosters of All-Star hottness? Of course I did! I mean, no! I was devastated by our lack of statistical proof of these players' greatness! My head still hangs in shame.

Let's say I were one day to meet Mr. Daniel Pie-YAY, would his sometimes floppy hair, dimples, dark brown puppy dog eyes, broad shoulders, tall stature, usually goofy but adorble smile--wait, what was I talking about?

From Urban

puck bunny:

A female, typically in her late teens to early 30s (but it can go lower) who attends hockey games, not to see a well fought game, or to see 2 goons duke it out, but just to look at the studly hockey players in the hoping that one night they'll roll over and see them in their bed, or in his bed, and has little or no interest in the sport or the score, and when a hockey player is brought up in coversation, will commonly use the words "tight, cute, sexy, ass, arms, shoulders" at any point in 1 sentence.

I can TOTALLY adopt that mentality! Who's with me?

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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny

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