Thursday, March 13, 2008

Mommy is too distraught to write

by Oscar

Hello, dearest friends, it is I, Oscar Preston Maloy, fearless mascot of this fine house, here to recap the latest news from our dear Buffalo Sabres.

My mommy, Anne, is far too distraught to write her thoughts on last night's debacle game. So I'll choose to point things out from my very low to the ground perspective.

1. Danny Pie-YAY scored 2 whole goals and one was short handed too.

2. Ryan Miller is apparently also a doctor in addition to being a goaltender, because when Paetsch went down, he went right over to him to administer life saving CPR. Fortunately it was not necessary, but it was good to know he was there just in case. Mommy and I love when teammates show real concern for each other.

3. I pooed in Georges Laraque's skates.

4. Even though we lost to them, Mommy still likes the Penguins, and I kind of look like a penguin.

5. Now Pommerdoodle will probably play defense which only makes me giggle and mew with glee.

6. Big Bear came back, earned a point and stood up for Toni Lydman when a Penguin was roughing him up. Yay Big Bear!

7. Mommy and Aunt MK continue their quest for Breakaway Berry-er to eat while we cheer the Pens to victory in the playoffs. I mean, while we cheer the Sabres into the playoffs.

8. It really is quite remarkable that after all this shoddy play and all these injuries to our defense that we're still in 9th place. That is truly mind boggling.

9. Lindy Meow has once again called out his top players for not stepping up. Things that have worked in the past:

  • Benching Danny Pie-YAY, result before: Goal scoring bonanza, result now: Goal scoring bonanza (maybe its a bit premature to call this streak a bonanza, but it has been quite a while since he scored and he got 2 tonight and he's my favorite so don't fight me or I'll scratch you).

  • Yelling at top players, before: Offensive BONANZA, result now: We'll see.

  • Pulling Millsey, before: Let's not go there.

10. We got all 3 goals from 2 guys who are not top goal scorers, but we did not get any from the likes of Pommerdoodle, Roysie, Britney or Staffy.

11. Goose plays well with Yo-yo and Pommer.

12. Mommy bought me new foods that is tasty and I enjoys it.

13. I'm also going to poo in Eric Staal's skates.

14. Here's the Sabres' next choice from the prospects to play defense:

Meet your newest Sabre

His name is Templeton Banks and he's the leading shot blocker for the Mammalian Marauder's. Last week, they dominated the Buffalo Zoo Inter-Species Cup Championship against their top rival, the Reptile House Avengers in a 6-0 victory to take the series in 6 games.

He was my roommate in Prep School, nice guy, but don't ever forget to take a message when his girlfriend calls, he gets really mad and throws poo. I've now mentioned poo 3 times in this post.

There ya have my thoughts on the game. I'm going to go snooze on the back of the chair in the living room now. Good night!

1 comment:

Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

anniebeeswax [at] gmail [dot] com

ColorJunction