Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Silver Lining, Ahoy!

by Anne

Ok, true to form, I will find the positives about tonight's game against the Penguins.

From the Pens' side of things:
(I don't ever think of an injury as being a good thing, they're just not a bad thing for the Sabres)

1. Marian Hossa is not playing tonight, hopes to return Sunday

2. Petr Sykora is out of the line up with a back injury, Maxime Talbot aggravated an ankle injury in their last game.

3. A recent deodorant shortage has left quite the funky odor around the City of Pittsburgh. The Sabres have taken precautions against this odoriferous outrage and are prepared. This unwelcome stink, however, should negatively impact the Penguins' on-ice performance tonight.

4. UPDATE: Sid the Kid is not playing tonight. Article.

From the Sabres' side of things:

1. Hank the Tank will be back tonight...is he really ready to play? Who cares.

2. Doof* and Sekera were the top pair in Rochester all season, steadily improving with each game they played together, they'll probably be back in tandem tonight.

3. Paetsch is young and foolish and thinks he can overcome whiplash to play tonight. Why is this a positive? Because Patches knows he's infinitely better on defense than Pommerdoodle and the team needs him.

4. Doof is from Pittsburgh, or, rather "Cranberry, PA" which is roughly the same distance from Pittsburgh as Angola is from Buffalo (woo, Patty) and clearly has some secretive plans to help the team psych out the opposition. He hasn't lived there since he was 15? Eh, I'm sure he and Staffy can come up with a wacky series of events to lock Sidney Crosby out of Mellon Arena and get Geno stuck in the drive-thru line at MickeyD's for 3 days.

5. Even though it hasn't helped all season, the Sabres have way more AnneLove than the Penguins ever could dream of having.

6. Spacek is healthy enough to leave his house and purchase over-priced (but undeniably tasty) panini at Panera.

A left leg award is to be given out.

I would give my left leg to take Jaroslav Spacek's food order. If for no other reason than to hear him try to say the word "panini".

I should make it clear that even if he comes through and blocks 87 shots tonight, there is no way Mike Weber is cracking the list of memorable call-ups. Sorry, Doof, I'm just not feeling as vulnerable these days.

*After reviewing his interview yesterday, Mike "Doof" Weber is actually an attractive young gent in a "I think you might try to kill me, but that's kind of hot." way. He, like many before him, appears to suffer from "Roster Photo Panic." More commonly known as "RPP." A disease in which, once seated in front of the camera, you instantly regret every photo that's ever been taken of you. That, coupled with the pressure of the fact that this will be the most widely viewed and reproduced photo of you for the next year, overcomes you and instead of making any facial expression, you simply stare, blind panic at full-tilt, at the camera, hoping some semblance of a smile is on your face, but ultimately fail (see: Stafford, Drew). Although, some still manage to take a humorous photo (see: Pominville, Jason and Campbell, Brian).

3 comments:

  1. okay Anne, (and S(h)ara?) I loved this post. Especially the bit about RPP- that is TOO true about so many hockey players. -- which is of course why it is IMPERATIVE to meet them in real life, so as to ascertain the potential hottness (or lack thereof) that was masked by the fear of the camera.

    I approve heartily. I fully intend to read more, and soon but for now that's all I've got. Carry on!

    ReplyDelete
  2. s.a.m., I know exactly what you mean about needing to meet players in real life.

    S(h)ara and I did an "All Star Hotties" team a while back and tried to do an "All Star Uglies" team but it got way too complicated to sort out those suffering from RPP and those who were just legitimately busted.

    ReplyDelete
  3. All Star Hotties and Uglies, that's classic! Isn't it fun to indulge the girly side from time to time? (and isn't it nice to have a safe place in which to do so where you won't get called a puckbunny?)

    That reminds me of back in 2001-02- my junir year of college, I worked at the arena where the ECHL's Dayton Bombers played. (woohoo free hockey!) Us parking ppl were cool so we got to hang down by the glass every game, so we got up close and personal with a whole lotta minor leaguers. My friends Adam and Royce used to make fun of me whenever I pointed out the relative hotness of anyone on the ice. *the fact that I actually knew what was going on out there and also was teaching Adam about hockey made up for it somewhat* Anyway after a while Adam started the "All-Ugly Team" in response, because it seemed that for every superhottie there were 1 or 2 guys who were kinda whatever and then a few that were just WHOOAA scary. We should have written them down.. LOL

    And hey, any time you want to hold a contest for players to "Prove Your Roster Photo Wrong" by showing up looking hot, I'm in! I'll be a judge.. LOL

    and P.S. You can call me Sam, it's my name and my initials..

    ReplyDelete

Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


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