Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Wait, there's STILL no Sabres game?

by Anne

Ok, hasn't it been 3 days yet? No? I haven't had 3 days of no Sabres hockey since the All-Star Weekend.

I tried to care about the Minnesota Wild v. the Colorado Avalanche but, unlike most Monday night Versus games that I watch, this one was not a catastrophic blowout with the first goal being scored less than a minute in. I was hoping Gaborik would bust out another 5 goal night in honor of me taking the time to turn on the TV and mindlessly sort of watch his team play in the background on mute while I cleaned up the mountains of clothes on my floor.

Tonight, there is a game between the Flyers and the Thrashers. Here's a refresher course in Anne's Top (Bottom?) least favorite teams:

1. Ottawa Senators (I love to hate them, I really do)
2. Toronto Maple Leafs (It's not as much fun to hate them post-lockout...but I still do it)
3. Philadelphia Flyers (My ire is long lived, eff you Philly, eff you)
4. New York Rangers (Gross. Avery, Jagr, Drury: gross. Yes, I still hold it against Jagr and his mullet that he left Pittsburgh. What?!)
5. Atlanta Thrashers (A very, very recent addition, ousting the 'Canes from this list)

So, based on this list, I should cheer for the Thrashers? Hmm, let's look at the standings:

1-7: Not the Sabres
8. Philadelphia Give us back Danny but you can keep Martys- 80 pts
9. The Greatest Team Ever - 79
10. Washington Ovechkins - 78
11. Florida Huh, You're only 2 pts back of 8th?s - 78
12. Toronto Maple Chokes - 74
13. New York Misfits - 71
14. Atlanta League Worst 246 GA, ha!s - 70
15. Tampa Bay 2/3 of a Good Line Still Lefts - 66

So, Go Thrashers? That seems wrong to say, but: Go Thrashers, none the less.

Toronto takes on the Islanders...um... Go Isles? Who cares. Neither of them are making the playoffs, sorry, SteveDangle. I still enjoy your videos and now know more about Andy Wozniewski than I ever thought possible. The fact that I even know who Andy Wozniewski is, is really a credit to you, Steve Dangle. BTW, even if you aren't a Leafs fan, and if you're reading this blog, you're probably not, his videos are funny and entertaining and its interesting to hear what non-douche bag Leafs' fans have to say.

Pens v. Rangers - GO PENS! There's no doubting how I feel about this game. The Rangers are due to choke soon, I'm banking its against Evgeni Malkin, that goal scoring freakazoid. Sidney WHO?

After Tampa on Wednesday is the dreaded "We need to finish playing all the games against our division, let's cram them all into the last 8 games of the regular season" run. Too bad we're in a very tough division. Even the Leafs (Leaves?) give us trouble from time to time. Can we temporarily trade schedules with the 'Canes? No? Ugh, fine.

How do we all feel about our renewed playoff hopes? I had begrudgingly resigned myself to being ok with hanging out in 9th for the rest of the run. Now, I'm back to: PLAYOFFS OR BUST!! This is a tough position to be in. My hockey ulcer can't handle it. No more spicy food for the rest of the season.

Private to Thomas Vanek:

I hate you and your 9 minutes of ice time. You, our "star goal scorer" our "10 million dollar man" had the least amount of ice time of ANYONE ON THE TEAM THAT ACTUALLY DRESSED FOR THE GAME! PATRICK KALETA HAD MORE ICE TIME THAN YOU. ONLY THE SOVIET BOMBER AND THE CHICKEN HAD FEWER SHIFTS AND ONE OF THEM IS A 7 GAME ROOKIE.

What you have to show for this weekend: a -1, 2 penalties totalling 4 minutes, 2 shots and roughly 26 minutes of ice time spread out over 2 games. ARE YOU SECRETLY MIKE RYAN DRESSED AS THOMAS VANEK? HOW DO YOU MANAGE A -1 WHEN YOUR TEAM SCORES 13 GOALS? Get on it, Britney, lose some weight (you're lookin' a little soft these days), gain some confidence, start playing with that "Eff THIS" attitude you enjoy taking out and displaying occasionally. Don't treat that attitude like a Gretzky rookie card, keep it out of its protective case, use it, enjoy it, embrace it, mess around with it a little and we won't be screaming for your head if we don't make it to the playoffs. You're a fucking great hockey player, what the hell is the problem? Stop being so damn mopey and fucking play hockey. Get mad, get passionate! DO SOMETHING.

Love and kisses, Anne

Private to Paul Gaustad:

AN 80% FACE OFF WIN PERCENTAGE ON SATURDAY? 4/5! Oh Goosie, I loves you.

Love, Anne

Private to Pat Kaleta:


Oh, Patty, you are always good for some great pictures. I hope you're cozy up in the front of my SabreHeart, you'll definitely be there the remainder of the season. Don't laugh at Staffy, it's not nice, he's still got a tentative hold on his seat. Would you and Pie-YAY please stop putting tacks on his chair? Pat Lafontaine has been giving good repots that you haven't been annoying him, so that's good.

Love, Anne

1 comment:

  1. 80% faceoff?! Hooray, Goose! We should have a commercial like Crosby. Sign:"Buffalo loves Goose..."

    I added you to my blogroll. I actually just started a blog today... finally. There's not really anything on it though. ha.


Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny

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