Wednesday, April 23, 2008

STOP THE PRESSES!

by Anne


Even more gents have been added to Team USA today.



Welcome to the team, Mr. Yick:
Phil Kessel, Boston Bruins
There really is no reason that I don't like Phil Kessel, I just don't




TIM TOM!, Boston Bruins
Bringing the average age of the team up to, like, 25

And, lastly, and basically the whole reason for this post:

Who's been invited to try-out Team USA at the camp and hang out with new future BFFs Staffy and Pommerdoodle?



NATHAN DAVID GERBE!
Bringing the average height of the team down to 5'8"
(I found his middle name on a website when I was looking for a picture of him)

I was already pretty pumped to be welcoming Nate-Dogg (Gerb-Dogg? still working on it) into my SabreHeart next season, but he's getting an opportunity even sooner than expected. WOOOO! Things are tough when I'm this excited about an un-signed (DARCY?!) prospect going to just try-out for Team USA, not even for the Sabres. I hope Staffers and Pommerdoodle are nice to him...but still give him a hard time about being pint-sized. (He fits in my pocket!)



Private to Nathan David Augustus Gerbe:

Dear Nathan,

I'm aware you more than likely don't have a 2nd middle name, and if you do, it probably isn't Augustus. Anyhoot, please leave college early and come to the Sabres. Please? At least come to camp this summer! I'll totally be there cheering you on! I know I won't have trouble finding you. It'll look like take your little brother to Rookie Camp Day.

Look, Gerb-meister, I told you I'd harp on your height for the duration of your career, so get used to it. Ok, if it helps, I promise to wear flats to games.

Love and heel lifts,

Anne



Private to Patrick Kane

Dear Kaner:

OMGIHOPEYOUWINTHECALDERI'DBESOEXCITEDI'MNOTSUREWHATI'DDO.

Ahem, I mean, congratulations on your nomination. May the best rookie win. And by best I mean "most Buffalonian" and by "rookie" I mean "player named Patrick Kane". I do enjoy Nicklas Backstrom, and Jonathan Toews is pretty sweet too, because his name looks basically NOTHING like it's pronounced.

KANERRRRR!!!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!

Love and Calder Trophies,

Anne

3 comments:

  1. Nate-Dogg

    I love it!! It just fits for some reason...and it has to have the double-g

    There really is nothing that doesn't get me excited about cute little Nate-Dogg...He's about my age, he's not that much taller than me, and he is super cute (I mean, look at that smile!). If those aren't reasons to get that contract done now, Darcy, I don't know what are...If the sweet earnestness of Pommers doesn't convince him to sign right away - they can always threaten the Staffy sleep-snuggle!!

    And yay for Kaner!! I have this secret plan (meaning: unrealistic dream) that we're destined to marry because I saw him play when he was like 12, so congrats to my "future husband" lol...

    Seriously, though, it's so nice to see him succeed, and, since the Cup isn't coming here this year - at least the Calder can!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have this secret plan (meaning: unrealistic dream) that we're destined to marry because I saw him play when he was like 12, so congrats to my "future husband" lol...

    That's no more unrealistic than me belief that Big Bear and I are destined for love...for no other reason than because I said so. At least you've actually been in the same room as Kaner. Haha.

    ReplyDelete

Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


Disclaimer, yo.

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We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

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