Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Round 2 and Team USA and Some Other Foolishness

by Anne


The NHL has announced the shedjwool for the Semi-Finals.


It's been officially announced that Paulie Martin of the New Jersey Devils will be joining his teammate Zachary and the rest of our Americans on Team USA this week.

It will be hard to find a picture of Mr. Martin as he shares a name with the Canadian Prime Minister:

Paul Martin: Not a professional hockey player



Paul Martin: Not the Prime Minister of Canada

Welcome Aboard, Mr. Martin. Sorry the Rangers are stinky. Sid, Geno and Ry-ry will take care of them for you.

I like percentages. Well, these percentages I don't like:

40% - percentage of teams in the playoffs that boast either Daniel Briere, Christopher Drury or Brian Campbell on their rosters

17% - chance that Briere and Drury will face each other in the ECF aka when Anne starts blindly and maniacally cheering for the Western Conference teams LET'S GO...uhhhhh...STARS!

100% - chance that if they do face each other, Versus or NHL.com or Pierre McGuire will make reference to how this is how far they both got in the last 2 playoffs, but THIS TIME ONE OF THEM WILL GO FURTHER


These percentages I do like:

100% - Recoveries that will be made by Timmy Connolly, Goose and Yo-yo following their off-season surgeries

3.3% - Percentage of teams in the NHL that have Nathan Gerbe (Guys! It's us!)

100%- my imaginary percentage of the likelihood TEPPO will be back in a Sabres Uniform next season and my imaginary percentage that Millsey and Pommerdoodle will be Sabres FOREVER!

10,000,000,000% - how much more totally RAD the Sabres are than any of those teams in the playoffs


To my fellow Office peeps: Happy Administrative Professionals Day! Wooo! I'll only be an Administrative Professional for another 17 days, so I'll enjoy(?) it while I can. Woo!





Private to Brian Campbell:

Screw you.


Sharks defenseman Brian Campbell played in one previous NHL Game 7 while with the Buffalo Sabres.

"It wasn't very memorable, to be honest," he said. "I try to forget about it because I didn't come out on the good side."

The Sabres lost to Carolina in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference finals in 2006.


It was pretty memorable for us. I had hoped it would be for you too. You probably should think about it more often and reflect on your mistakes...SINCE YOU LOST US THE GAME YOU DOUCHE BAG! HOW WAS THE VIEW FROM THE PENALTY BOX WHEN YOU TOOK THAT DELAY OF GAME PENALTY THAT GAVE CAROLINA THE GAME WINNING GOAL?!?!?! I can't recall you taking any delay of game penalties after THAT ONE.

Ahem, sorry. We all make mistakes, Soups. I suppose I can forgive you. Although I never 100% did for that. Maybe I'm unreasonable. Or maybe it's because DANIEL ALFREDSSON USED YOU AS A SCREEN FOR MILLSEY THAT GAVE OTTAWA THE EASTERN CONFERENCE TITLE IN 2007. YOU'RE A DEFENSEMAN! DEFEND!

I'm really glad you're gone.

Love and kicks in the teeth,

Anne

3 comments:

  1. 100% - Recoveries that will be made by Timmy Connolly, Goose and Yo-yo following their off-season surgeries

    100% - Likelihood that the majority of women in Buffalo would like to play nursemaid and aid the recovery of any and all of those three

    100%- my imaginary percentage of the likelihood TEPPO will be back in a Sabres Uniform next season and my imaginary percentage that Millsey and Pommerdoodle will be Sabres FOREVER!

    I like that percentage!! Can I add: 100% chance that Goose joins his two buddies on that FOREVER SABRES list!

    And, once again, Soupy has me speechless with his stupidity. This quote more than any other has me believing that he really thinks this is what he's supposed to say - like he's trying so hard to get his new friends to like him.

    Private to Soupy:
    If that Game 7 really didn't mean anything to you, then why do you still talk about wanting to change the rules for hitting the puck over the glass?
    Stop trying to impress San Jose with how little you care about Buffalo. You're making no one look bad but yourself.
    And to think, I felt so bad for you when you took that penalty because of how terrible you must have felt - looks like I was sadly mistaken.

    Screw you.

    Ditto...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Brian Campbell is a douchebag. I can understand him not WANTING to remember that game but seriously... We're not pretending it didn't happen, dude.

    ReplyDelete
  3. katie- It really seems that leaving Buffalo has opened Soupy's eyes to a whole new world of hockey. I feel like he's graduated from high school and moved away for college and now makes fun of all the kids who stayed in their hometown to go to the Ivy League college he couldn't get into there and he's bitter.

    Heather - Soupy was all sad and mopey when he left Buffalo but his sound bytes and quotes(granted some could be out of context) aren't doing much to ensure he won't be booed when he comes back (aren't the Sharks due to come to us in the new schedule system next year?)

    ReplyDelete

Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

anniebeeswax [at] gmail [dot] com

ColorJunction