Sunday, April 13, 2008

Take THAT, Brian Gionta

by Anne

Here it is:

Nathan Gerbe,

You are totally awesome and totally tiny. You're shorter than I am. I'm only 5'5 1/4". You're 5'5". As Heather mentioned, I'm sure you'll be 5'6" or 5'7" by the time the roster is released next fall. I'm excited to have the officially shortest guy in the NHL on our team someday. Take THAT Gio and Louie!

I hope you're as good in the NHL as you are in college. Statistically, that's impossible, but congratulations on the Hobey Baker nom ( you should've won) and being totally B-A in the Frozen Four. And thank you for playing for Boston College and not Boston University, like a certain slag-faced whore.

I look forward to putting on high heels and attempting to find you at bars in Buffalo to prove that you are, in fact, as short as they say you are. I did the same to Roysie, don't be offended, it's what I do. I'm obsessed with how players' heights are exaggerated. For example, last season Goose was listed as 6'4", this season he's 6'5".

Nathan, I don't know you, but as a Sabres' fan, I'm very proud of you and will now facebook stalk you. Ok, I couldn't find you.

Hurry up and get to Buffalo and be just as sweet when you get here as you were in college. Oh, yeah, enjoy that brief stop over in _________, with our AHL affiliate team. Woo!


Anne aka
the girl who will obsess over your height for the duration of your career


  1. I wish I could find it, but there was a photo of Roy standing on the bench next to Goose, and it looked like Roy was standing in a hole. The height differential was that dramatic. I can only imagine how wacky a Goose / Gerbe photo would look.

  2. Amy, I would love to see that photo, too! I have one I took from an open practice of Roy standing next to Petey, and he looks like a little kid standing next to his big brother.

  3. I have a picture of Roysie like spearing Chara, it's like a chipmunk attacking a great dane. Totally. Awesome.


Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny

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