Wednesday, May 7, 2008

The Battle of North America

by Anne

*Cue booming symphonic music

AAAAAND NOWWWWW.................

In this corner......with a combined regular season NHL point total of 4,896,432, an overall bangability factor of 3.1 on a scale of 10 and possessing a player with the World's LAMEST Boat Name... TEEEEEEEAAAAAMMM CANADAAAAAAAAAAA!

Roysie's the one in the back who's slightly out of line

AAAAAAAAAAAAAND In this corner................. with an average age of 11 1/2, a penchant for games and group team-building activities designed to entertain pre-teens, and an average shoe size of 14, Teeeeeaaaaam USAAAAAAAAAAA!

John Tortorella's lost the point of the Tournament


So, the Battle of North America had it's first chapter yesterday afternoon. The game started at 3:30 EDT. THAT IS TOTALLY LAME. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO WATCH IT?

I decided to have the the live score updates pop up at inappropriate times on my screen while at work rather than pay the $4.95 to try to watch the thing. That live update window has quite the feeling of self-importance. Regardless of what you're doing with your computer, every minute or so it pops up to the front of the screen, impeding you from the sentence you were just typing so you can see that no penalties have been assessed and no goals scored. Actually, it only does that n my PC at work. On my Mac at home, it doesn't do that. Huh.

Anyway, when I left work it was 3-2, Canada nearing the end of the 2nd. When I got home (20 minutes later) it was 4-4. Yowzas. My inner monologue while reading the scoring recap went something like this:

Me: Yay! POMMER! Yay! ROYSIE! Wait, don't I mean "Boo! Roysie!"? I guess I do. Huh, I was right, it does feel wrong. Aw, hell: Yay! ROYSIE! Booooo Heatley.

Not too surprisingly, Team USA lost to Team Canada 5-4. I'm sure it was really exciting for the Canadian fans as Heatley put home the game winning goal with only 46 seconds remaining on the clock. I am surprised it was a such a close game though. Maybe I'm just gun shy after this season. My expectations for my team are that they're good unless they play a REALLY good team, and Team Canada is a REALLY good team. However, Team USA held their own and outshot Team Canada in the game. Woo!

I wish I could've watched it or been there. I'm pretty sure I'd be the most annoying American on the planet if I were at those games. I'd cheer anything they did, yes even Phil Kessel! Granted, I'd have to bathe extensively afterwards, but I'd cheer him on! USA fans are probably pretty underrepresented. It's so tragic that there aren't more Pommerdoodle puckbunnies to fawn all over him post-game. Speaking of Mr. Doodle, he was declared the player of the game by the dude who writes the live game blog:

Player of the game: Jason Pominville. He tallied an assist and scored the game-tying goal in the third period in his first game against Canada. He was also among the team leaders in ice time as Tortorella relied on the youngster.

Woooh- Wait. Is it just cuz he was born in Canada? Boooo. Whoever picks the best player on the IIHF website picked Dustin Brown. Clearly that person is a MORON. And, "youngster"? Pommer is 25, making him on "Team Old" when Camp Morningwood has their daily Freeze Tag Tournament.


Ryan Getzlaf is NOT bringing the sexy to Team Canada

Andrej Sekera (wearing #44, btw) was named best player of the game(for his team) in Slovakia's loss to Germany on Monday. Woooo!

Private to Nate-Dogg:

Fine. My 2nd attempt at making us Facebook BFFL has failed. FINE! WHATEVER! I HATE YOU! I WISH YOU'D STAYED IN BOSTON! Hrmph.

I can't understand this policy of not friending random girls in a town you'll possibly be moving to soon. Psh, maybe you have a crazy girlfriend. That's what I'll tell myself to help cope with your rejection. It can't be that I'm so smokin' hot, my Facebook picture is a South Park caricature of me holding a sabre. And by sabre, I mean Adam Mair.

Sidebar, don't be surprised if I'm wasted while out on the town one night and I yell something at you like "WHY WON'T YOU BE MY INTERNET FRIEND?!?!" It might happen. Much like I'm really not sure of my ability to physically restrain myself from attack-hugging Big Bear if I were to encounter him on the streets of Buffalo. I'm a loose cannon.

BTW, STAFFY and I are Facebook buddies. I'm just sayin'.

Love and You're TOTALLY NOT As Cool as Staffy,

I totally locked my keys in my car and am posting this at home. I'm taking my sweet ass time getting to work while waiting for AAA. Wooooo!!


  1. Anne, you KNEW that Pommer was going to have a great game! It's all because he has his BFFL back for nap time togetherness! (Private to Goose: Even if you're not really in Halifax, you can still take all the credit for Pommer's goal - we know you're there in spirit - haha)

    don't be surprised if I'm wasted while out on the town one night and I yell something at you like "WHY WON'T YOU BE MY INTERNET FRIEND?!?!"

    This is too funny!!

  2. You know, I was going to say something to Gerbs about you today, but I couldn't really think of anything. Plus he decided to go to another sandwich line, where my supervisor then proceeded to yell at him about why he didn't finish his degree. Poor Gerbe baby. (About this nickname: at Beanpot, BU had a sign with the Gerber baby on it that said "Gerbe baby food" and yeah that was the game at which Gerbe scored the OT goal then took a dangerous penguin dive. Boooyaaaa.)

    That is so strange that Gerbe won't add you. Maybe he doesn't like people named Anne. Or maybe he just hasn't been accepting everyone. Or maybe he's like secretly in love with you and doesn't want to show it by becoming your facebook friend.

    Andy Orpik showed up in his Sabres hat in lieu of the occasion. I really, really want to see Gerbe and Orpik play together again sometime, but sadly Andy is no Brooks. I think he's going to have to work very hard to get to the NHL.

  3. Of COURSE! The Goose Factor! How could I forget. Clearly Goose was the MVP of that game for bringing Pomer his groove back.

    Haha, Molly, I'm not sure if I would've been like "Yyyyyesss! Make him feel guilty!!" But then the non-wack-a-doo part of me thinks that it miiiiight scare him and think all women in Buffalo are like me...they ARE, but we don't want him to know about that YET.

  4. oh my gosh that thing about Royzie's about made me die. I did cackle for a long time, at work. Then I had to explain it. Now the ppl I work with think I'm even crazier than they knew.

    I still love him though, nerdness and all.

  5. oh and playing hockey while riding a unicycle is possibly the coolest thing I've seen all year. I want to try it. I've never ridden a unicycle but it'sbeen one of my dreams. And of course hockey is always fun. :)


Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny

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