Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Welcome Aboard, Felix Schutz!

by Anne

So Felix Shoots and Scores (Schutz is apparently pronounced shootz) has signed with the Sabres.

After reading my insider text I literally went "who?". Well folks, I'm here to tell you WHO....or at least I'm gonna try.

For a time I was searching for Felix Schultz. But there's no "L" I had started to wonder if Darcy was hittin' the fancy kool-aid and drafted an imaginary person. Any who:

  • He was born November 3, 1987 in Erding, Germany

  • He's 5'11", 187 lbs or 192 lbs, depending on if he ate the pizza for lunch, apparently

  • He was drafted by the Sabres in the 4th round in 2006 117th overall (Sissy was also drafted 117th overall in 1998 by the Panthers)

  • He played in the QMJHL for the St. John Sea Dogs for 2 seasons and last season played for ERC Ingolstadt of the German Elite League

  • He was Rookie of the Year in the German Elite League for '07-'08

  • He played for Germany at the 2007 World Championships and World can do that? Well, Kaner is only 19 and he's in the big show, so I guess you probably can

  • He's a playmaking center...not unlike Yo-yo...who's also from W. Germany...iiiiinteresting

  • He was apparently a particularly random choice, but which ever scout spotted him felt good about it, and since then his offensive play has increased

  • It's generally believed that him being drafted in the 4th round was a steal, and he could've been drafted higher, but he was underscouted and overlooked so we got a 1st round selection with our 4th round pick basically.

  • He's part of Darcy Regier's plan to blindside us all with new, young players in the hopes that we'll put off bothering him about the vets for a little while

He's got an even doofier picture than Doof Weber:

Wooooo! I like me some signed prospects. Just what we need! Bulk up on the youth! Yup, I mean Millsey's almost 28 he might need to think about retirement soon. JARO IS 34?!? Get that man an oxygen tank and a prostate exam, he's about ready to cash in his chips! I'd love to see our team's average age drop from just over 26 to like 23. That'd be grrrrrreat.

Darcy is also chewing the fat and talking numbers with forward Tim Kennedy and goalie Jhonas Enroth these days. I really hope we sign Enroth soon. He's got some good numbers from what I've heard. And Kennedy is another local boy, so that'll definitely win bonus points with the fans.

It saddens me that as I age, the draft picks do not, and therefore, I become a creepy old woman sometimes if I think they're cute. Ok, ok, I'm only 22, but still!

Hey! Darce! Remember when EVERYONE knows that our biggest weakness is DEFENSE? Could we sign a defense prospect maybe? That'd be GREAT. Thanks.

EDIT: Yo, this kid doesn't even sound German. If I didn't know, I'd think he was French Canadian. Take a gander.

From his interview:

How would you describe your style of play?

"I’m fast, I’m small, not the biggest player. But I think I can handle the puck well."

Not the biggest player? Look just to your left and down. That's Nathan Gerbe. He plays in the NHL too now. Feeling much taller? That's what I thought.

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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny

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