FYI: Sidney Crosby is Not an Alien

by Anne

Maxime Talbot is taking the words right out of my mouth:

According to Maxime Talbot, Sidney Crosby’s faint attempt at growing a playoff beard makes him look “greasy.” As for the mustache he has going right now, Talbot said that makes him look “like Zorro.”

I prefer "like a hillbilly with a rusted out pickup truck", but "Zorro" works too.


Marc-Andre Fleury weighs in on the "let's show people Sid isn't a robot" campaign:

Fleury said when he and Crosby were both out with high ankle sprains earlier this year, they spent a lot of time at the goalie’s house playing Call of Duty 4 on Xbox 360. The game is so popular the Penguins take it on the road with them.

Oh, NHL, you're trying so hard to promote him as: THIS GUY WILL CHANGE HOCKEY FOREVER. SIDNEY CROSBY IS OUR MESSIAH....uhhhh but he plays Xbox too! Haha! He can't grow a playoff beard! Look how NORMAL he is! Yup, he's tooooootallly normal. Except for, ya know, that we treat him like he can turn water ino wine and all that and he's probably the best hockey player in the past decade stuff, but LOOK! He drinks gatorade! He eats food! He sleeps! He's a person too! Did we mention he's YOUNG? Look how YOUNG he is! He can't even buy alcohol in this country yet!

I love Sid the Kid, but, unlike my love for most hockey players, I have little desire to have "relations" with him. I'm sure he calls them "relations" because calling it anything else makes him blush under his peach fuzz. I think my lack of desire for Sid the Kid is his freakishly squeaky clean image. He's probably not really afraid of girls, but he just has such a "good guy" image that it turns me off. It's probably why I mostly like guys and players that look like they would have no problem with beating the living tar out of someone (Goose, Big Bear, Staffy) notable exception: Pommerdoodle. Eh, well, I still loves him and I bet he's more intimidating in person....no probably not, but that's ok, I think I could beat Derek Roy in a fistfight..again, that's probably not true, because I couldn't bring myself to punch Roysie and hopefully he feels the same way about hitting girls.

Oh yeah AND THEN THEY LOST 3-0 TO THE RANGERS. That is NOT COOL. Avery is LITERALLY in INTENSIVE CARE. I did say, however, that I thought the Rangers would win this won. But, they should be GONE after the next one. Is that CLEAR, Ry-ry? Sid? Geno? Gronk? Heh? Good, now let's take care of this.


Soooooo, I checked NHL.com for a score of the Wings/Avs game and it was 7-1 at the intermission. Last I had checked it was 1-1. WOW. Um, who was the MORON who picked the Avs? That would be this girl. What the hell was I thinking? I hope the Red Wings don't win the cup, but mostly because I just flat out won't care. I won't be excited or mad, it'll be an overall feeling of "eh, Datsyuk's ugly". And, because the Douche Canoe (TM Interchangeable Parts) has declared that the Red Wings are going to take my Millsey away, I just want to pretend they don't exist. Millsey can't play for them if they aren't REAL! That's what I'm going to tell him and his agent.


T-Minus like an hour until the World Championships start in Halifax. I hope Team USA is finished playing lasertag and making macramés hockey sticks in time to show up to play Latvia tonight night.


Team USA is ranked 7th in the world, Canada is 3rd behind Finland and Sweden. I know we have some BANGIN' Finnish (Toni, Selanne, the Koivu brothers) and Swedish (Hank the Tank, Zetterberg, Backstrom) talent in the NHL, but if the teams are that good, wouldn't you assume we'd have more NHL players from those countries? Maybe they just like playing at home and don't want to come to North America where I will begin stalking them.

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Private to Paul Gaustad:

I managed to not run into you tonight. But so HELP ME if you had been at my sister's concert, I would've KNOWN that my life just became the Truman Show or a really long and uninteresting episode of Punk'd.

Love and I told you I'd stay aways,
Anne

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This post needs one of those billions of pictures I save but haven't posted. This one started my "save this picture for later" craze:

In my head the conversation goes something like this:

Millsey (in fake uber gay man lisp): Hey SPAAAA-AAAC. As our new Captain, you should know that its your job to tell me how good my booty looks in these pants. It's in the fine print, under the C. Soooo how's the boooty? Good enough for NBC?

Sissy: Ya, whatever you say, goalie man. I go play de hockeys now. Where my helmet? Is ok, I no need it.

Millsey: Hey equipment man, how's the view from down there? Huh? Huh? Nice, right?

Soupy: What's this? He's asking SISSY? My defensive partner? How could he?! Fuckin' stupid Ryan over there trying to act like he doesn't need me. I tell him his booty looks good all the time, even when he doesn't ask me to. I bet JARO doesn't take the time mid-game when he's holding the puck behind the net to tell him either. Psh, fuckin' stupid jerkface.

Patches: I miss the press box. These guys are fuckin' weird.

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! YAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! LET'S GO BUFF-A-LO!!