Saturday, June 7, 2008

Go On Without Me, World

by Anne

Alas, I toil away in Pennsylvania. Babysitting the cousins, attending a memorial service, acting as chauffeur, all that good stuff.

My Buffalonian blood is not used to this kind of heat and humidity, I swear it hasn't been below 80 the entire time we've been here, day and night. God bless central air. Glorious, glorious central air. I challenge anyone in Buffalo to name 3 people they know personally who have central air in their home. Yeah, that's what I thought. We're about 100 miles north of the Mason-Dixon line, and you can feel it. Yuck. Heat is gross.

I love that, all of a sudden, now that they've lost, everyone is just NOW starting to obsess over the fact that this young team of Penguins stars, will, shockingly, not all be together for eons to come. Duh. I mean, did all hockey writers just collectively choose to ignore this fact?

Much like Y2K, any idiot could've seen this coming.

Do you think they have enough cap space for Marc-Andre Fleury, Evgeni Malkin, Jordan Staal, Ryan Malone, Marian Hossa and Sidney Crosby? Not unless they all take ENORMOUS discounts, I'm guessing at least 1/2 of that list will not be Penguins very soon. It's just not possible. Gronk's entry level contract will be expiring soon, as will Geno's. Buh-bye to at least 1 of them. Gronk will be cheaper, although, we'd DEFINITELY take him in a Sabres' uniform, if you're finished with him, Sid.

Is it weird that for some reason, I really want the Sabres to draft Jared Staal? It's like we'll be part of some fancy exclusive Eastern Conference club. We'll totes be in the in-crowd. AWESOME.

Then again, I'm not sure I'd want to hear raunchy stories about the babiest of the Staal's getting his swerve on in the bathroom at Bada-Bings.

Sidnote, that picture of Zetterberg drinking out the Cup on NHL.com is creeping me out beyond words. Please, take it down.

Everyone needs to sit down for this announcement. Get ready, I know we'll all be on the edge of our seats:

On Tuesday (6/10) at 1:00 p.m. the Portland Pirates are having a press conference to announce their new NHL affiliate.

OOOH! OOOH! PICK ME! PICK ME!

I bet it's Buffalo! Don't ask me how I know these things, it's a gift.... or its because, somehow, EVERYONE HAS KNOWN FOR MONTHS THAT THEY'D BE OUR NEW AHL TEAM.

I mean, COME ON. Anaheim has even announced that they're new affiliate is in Des Moines. Little closer to Anaheim will probably make call-ups a little easier.

It was probably so nice for Darcy when our team was less than an hour's car ride away, now... not so much.

Who wants to go to Portland and watch a game?!?! Maybe they'll play the Amerks and we can go and check 'em out this season. Who's with me?!?!?

Back to civilization tomorrow! Woo!

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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

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