Sunday, August 3, 2008

I've Been Going About This All Wrong

by Anne

Everyday I read the Sports section of the Buffalo News, hoping to learn more about my team. So far, so good.

However, I'm having trouble with this and it occurred to me today exactly why.

I HAVEN'T DECLARED MY UNDYING LOVE FOR ANY PARTICULAR PLAYER OR PLAYERS.

Here's why:

Mama Peg is a huuuuuuge football fan, and always has been. However, Mama Peg is not a (whatever the football equivalent of a puckbunny is). Therefore, as I was brought into the football world by Dad Jim and Mama Peg, there was no one to show me the light: football players are very attractive and squealworthy.

ITS ALL COMING CLEAR NOW.

In order to REALLY love the Bills I have to develop a massive sports crush on one of them and then I will feel the urge to scour the interwebs for as much information as I can about my new man. This is how I got back into hockey in 2006, a massive sports crush on Jay McKee. He blocked a shot with his head or something badass like that, and it was L-O-V-E.

So I'm working my way into finding a Bills Boyfriend. HOWEVER. I do not want to commit my love to someone who might get cut from the team, I'm still reeling from the Big Bear trade and have only recently gotten over losing JKee right after I fell in SportsLove with him in 2006. I'm going to either have to throw myself at Trent Edwards or Pos, just to be safe, or fall madly in love with Steve Johnson and hope for things. He's 22 and is already married and has only been playing football for like 6 years. LOVE.

Also, do I love him because is name is Felton Huggins or is his name Felton Huggins because I love him?!

Then there's my pre-existing fondness for Brian Donald Moorman! Do I leave him out?

So many questions, so few answers.

Anyway, my quest will continue. The first preseason game is this coming Saturday against the Redskins in Washington, where hopefully I will be able to whittle down my list of potential boyfriends. I know the starters won't get to see as much action, so I'll have to use this opportunity to narrow down the list of youngin's to love.

2 comments:

  1. Why do I suddenly now REALLY want to be Mrs. Felton Huggins???:( Like, a LOT.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Because M.J. you know your life will only be magical if you can start signing things as "Mrs. Felton Huggins" like its the 1920s. I wonder what his middle name is?!

    ReplyDelete

Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


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