Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Time Heals All Wounds

by Anne

A diligent reader who knows of the STRIFE I have been forced to endure over the loss of my beloved #5, MY BIG BEAR on my BIRTHDAY this year, has sent me a few photos to give me the smile and a chuckle that can only be brought about by Big Bear's goofy adorableness. I encourage people to indulge in my hopelessly short lived love affair. He was only a Sabre for like a month, but he STOLE MY HEART. NO ANNE, STOP! HE'S GONE! HE'LL BE IN CANADA, HE MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD!! J/K, J/K, Canadian brethren. Although, if Big Bear showed up at my front porch right now with a platinum set diamond band oval cut diamond and a dozen roses, I would pack my bags and head for Vancouver. I'll be so close for the Winter Olympics!

These pictures feature our beloved Mr. Bernier in some sort of establishment where little clothing and copious amounts of alcohol appear to thrive and Tim Connolly is no where in sight. In short, this place is my Mecca. Therefore, to this place must I complete my Hajj. Where else can I enjoy such luxuries in a Tim Connolly free, Big Bear rich environment? Nowhere.


Hehe, look at Big Bear's undies

Blondie on the right appears to be participating in some sort of celebration of herself, as she is carrying multiple arrangements of cut flowers. Was Big Bear the provider of any of these floral arrangements? Is she wearing my ring?!?! He appears to be receiving thanks for them, and clearly is feeling very good about himself, based on his "Who da man?!" pose. I believe blondie on the left (BB's right) is the one responsible for the slight raising of the shirt and exposing of the boxer briefs and to her I am forever indebted in spite of her poor choice of neckline. Halter top, Left Blondie, halter top. Give it a shot. Although, it could be Righty squeezing Big Bear tight around his middle that has created this phenomenon, and if that is the case, then lefty is impeding our viewing pleasure and she must be desroyed! Or photoshopped out.


Warm in there, Big Bear?

We seem to find Steven in yet another den of iniquity on this night, or at least, this is the same den but on a different occasion, with what appear to be 2 different blondies and a gentleman caller. These ladies appear to have been OVERCOME by the sound of his broken English, floppy unkempt hair and penchant for goofy little hats and have COLLAPSED with glee, MUCH AS I WOULD, LADIES, MUCH AS I WOULD. In fact, if it were not for the fact that I have brown hair, I would have wondered if I were actually one of these swooning ladies, or maybe even that dude who appears to also have Big Love for Big Bear. Steven, ever respectful, has a keen understanding for the effect he has on the ladies, and some dudes, and allows these people to seek refuge on his lap. IF ONLY I HAD BEEN THERE, IF ONLY.

WHY MUST OUR TIME TOGETHER HAVE BEEN SO PAINFULLY SHORT, BIG BEAR? WHY? Cruel, cruel fate. But we must soldier on and my #5 spot is still vacant. Oh Steven, how I miss your little face.

And as Monday was the first day of classes and there is no word of my #1 beloved Sabre:


EVERYBODY PANIC!!!




No, Jason, this is NOT the fire drill, this is the FULL ON WHERE'S MY CONTRACT FREAK OUT

POMMER?!?! WHERE ART THOU?!? DARCY!! WHAT KIND OF SHENANIGANS ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL?!?! I CAN'T LOSE POMMER!!!! I CAN'T EVEN SUSPECT I MIGHT LOSE MY BELOVED POMMER. PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GET THIS SITUATION RESOLVED BEFORE TRAINING CAMP. LORD KNOWS WITTLE JASON WILL COLLAPSE LIKE AMY WINEHOUSE AFTER A HARD BENDER IF HE HAS TO ENDURE CONTRACT TALKS IN THE DRESSING ROOM THIS YEAR. COME ON!!!!

AAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

5 comments:

  1. IS IT YOUR BIRTHDAY, ANNE?! Happy Birthdayyyy!!!! And if its not then re-read this when it is your birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  2. IS IT YOUR BIRTHDAY, ANNE?! Happy Birthdayyyy!!!! And if its not then re-read this when it is your birthday!

    No my birthday was July 4, THE VERY DAY THAT MY BELOVED BIG BEAR WAS TRADED AWAY. Such a terrible, terrible birthday present!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. HOLY CRAP THOSE PICTURES ARE AMAZING.

    BIG BEAR FOR THE FREAKING WIN.

    Also I must ponder why blonde with the flowers is wearing the same gold belt Princess Leia wore in Star Wars. She's intergalactic!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Also I must ponder why blonde with the flowers is wearing the same gold belt Princess Leia wore in Star Wars. She's intergalactic!

    I too, wonder if the blonde girl showing us her bum is wearing an oddly placed leopard print belt, a leopard print belly band on her maternity pants or exceptionally high waisted leopard granny panties.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Pommers actually took time to update his blog on Sabres.com today, soooo I have a theory (that's really based on nothing more than wishful thinking) that a contract extension is imminent!

    He talked about some guy on a hockey team he was playing against in the AHL called him a poodle because of his hair lulz.

    ReplyDelete

Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

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