Friday, September 26, 2008

Tim Kennedy Strikes Again

by Anne

Tim Kennedy: Master of the Blank Stare

So for those who don't regularly read this blog, there are precious few things in this world that make me happier than the following:

1. Buffalo
2. Hockey
3. Hockey Players
4. Awkward interviews
5. My cat, Oscar

So how am I supposed to COPE when I am OVERWHELMED by the presence of an awkward professional hockey player from Buffalo awkwardly talking about hockey? If Tim Kennedy ever starts talking about Oscar, I think I'll stroke out on the spot. Pat Kaleta needs to become more awkward and Pat Kane needs to start talking about Buffalo more, just to keep up with the GOLD standard Timothy has set for them all.

In his latest interview up on SabresTV from Thursday, I think Tim spends more time saying "Uhhhhhh" than anything else. He seems be operating under the assumption that he has a 15 second time limit in which to respond to a question he's just been asked and, overcome by panic, fills 10 seconds with "Uhhhh" and crams in the rest of the sentence in the remaining 5 seconds.

All in all, this interview was ffffffaaaarrrrr less awkward than, say, his signing interview which was painfully awkward. TK seems to have moved from awkward to nearly comatose. I'm not sure which is better. Of course, in his defense, Thursday's was apparently a grueling practice and he was probably hella tired. Maybe Mama K didn't bring him his fresh squeezed grapefruit juice and home made wheat toast with homemade raspberry preserves on time? How is a professional athlete supposed to function like that?!?! I bet Mama Kaleta is NEVER late with Patty's morning chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream smiley face. NEVER.

Tim has about as much joy in his face and voice while discussing how great it is to skate with his hometown team as I did when ordering my coffee in the Tim Horton's drive thru each morning at 7:40, which BELIEVE ME, if you've never encountered me pre-coffee and pre-8:00 am... let's just say, please don't ask me or tell me anything important because I A) won't remember B) pretend I didn't hear you or C) will outwardly express my inner monologue, cursing you and your mother that birthed you.

In spite of it all, I still love Tim Kennedy wayyyyyy more than say, Marek Zagrapan, which, ok, isn't really saying much. I rank him third behind Gerbe and Weber (who, incidentally are still in a head to head battle to become Anne's Next Top Sabres Rookie). How do you feel about your 3rd place ranking, Tim?

Well fine.
Be that way.
See if I care!
Maybe I'll just have to love, uhhhh, ummmm, Phillip Gogulla!
Aw who am I kidding, I couldn't identify Phillip Gogulla on sight if my life depended on it.
P to the S, just because I make fun of you doesn't mean I want you start being coherent or speaking with fluidity.
Just copy Gerbe's style, every 3 sentences you thank some coach you played with 6 years ago and frequently toss in the phrase "get the legs goin'." He really likes that phrase for some reason

I've never mentioned him before, probably because he's a Phlyers prospect, but Mike Ratchuk (also a Buffalo native) signed his first pro contract this year. He, like TK, left Michigan State early to go pro. I don't know much about him other than he's from Buffalo, went to Michigan State, won the Frozen Four in 2007 and was drafted in the 2nd round in 2006 by the Phlyers. The boy does look FOXY in head to toe Phlyers orange:

Somebody get the hose, its gettin hot up in herrr

Even though I hate your team and am still mildly in love with Danny Briere, but still mostly hate him like a scored mistress would after being unceremoniously dumped by a man who was going back to his wife, I wish you success in the coming years with both the Phatoms and the Flyers. DO BUFFALO PROUD, MIKE!!!!

Back to the Sabres:

Patrick Lalalalalalime is really making great strides this year. First he takes great pictures, then he's just over-all kind of dreamy AND to top it all off, he mispronounced the word "promising" in his interview on SabresTV. French Canadian? Dreamy? Butchering the English language?!?!?!

my new "Anne why are you wasting your time loving this guy?" crush

In my previous injuries report I neglected to mention that Nicklas Lidstrom took a slapper to the face during Detroit's Wednesday pre-season game against Montreal and has now been diagnosed (?) with a broken nose. Oweeeeeeee. He's basically going to miss the rest of the pre-season as he heals up. Of course, they won't make him wear a visor but Coach Babcock was quick to mention that when Yzerman was hurt he made the decision to wear a visor. I'm just sayin' Nick, I'm just sayin'.

Don't worry ladies, Nicky is still the same P-I-M-P he always was
Chicks dig scars and oddly-shaped-many-times-broken noses

Fridaaaaayyyy!!! Tomorrow's the first home pre-season game! The first Sabres' game played at HSBC Arena since March. MARCH?!?!


On a final note, from the Recap of last nights Rangers/ Bolts game:

Tampa Bay took its only lead of the game soon after when Matt Carle fired the puck down the ice, where St. Louis tracked it down in the New York end. He outskated defenseman Dmitri Kalinin and let go a backhander that beat Valiquette over the left shoulder, popping up the water bottle on top of the net.

Awwwww, just like old times 'Tri!!


  1. I, too also am taking quite the liking to Lalime. Just look at that smile!

  2. Are those Flyers duds or is was Ratchuk taken to Guantanamo??

  3. My second favorite Patrick!

    Do you have urges to put lipstick on Tim Kennedy and dress him in pretty clothes? Maybe it's just me.

  4. I, too also am taking quite the liking to Lalime. Just look at that smile!

    I KNOW, RIGHT?!? He's so adorable. I'm in love. All I see is rainbows and all i hear is a choir of angels when I look at Lala.

  5. Are those Flyers duds or is was Ratchuk taken to Guantanamo??

    All I know is those shorts are a CRIME AGAINST THE NATION, send that boy packin'.

  6. Do you have urges to put lipstick on Tim Kennedy and dress him in pretty clothes? Maybe it's just me.

    TOTALLY. I also feel like I have to speak in short sentences and not make any sudden movements around him lest his watery little eyes just overflow their banks.


Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny

Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

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