Friday, October 10, 2008

Is Derek Roy Really My Favorite Sabre?

By S(h)ara

Last season, as many of you know, I went through one of the hardest things a hockey fan must deal with-I lost my favorite player to a trade. I know guys, I know, Campbell is a toolshed, but love is blind. It works in mysterious ways, and I was as-yet untainted by his shenanigans and d-baggery. In a quick fix, to mend my broken and bleeding heart, I settled on Derek Roy. "He has a six year contract! He'll be here for awhile!" I consoled myself. "Look, S(h)ara! He has curly hair!" Anne would point out, while trying to convince me that never removing my Campbell t-shirt was a really bad idea. (Said t-shirt is now cursed. If I wear it during a game, we will inevitably lose.) But Derek never captured my heart the way a certain skating tomato did. Sure, his last name translates to "king" in French, and he made Anne squeal like a giddy schoolgirl when we saw him out one night, but is that reason enough to make someone your favorite player? I say nay sir. Besides, he has a white suit. I cannot get behind that.

Thus begins my quest for my true favorite Sabre. Al, Timmy-Ho and Max are immediately disqualified because they are up for free agency in July, and I cannot go through that kind of pain again. (Al, I know you have always been my second favorite Sabre, but I just cannot promote you with free-agency looming in the distance.) Who should I pick? Goose is on IR, but he did say excuse me when he bumped into me once at a bar. (He obviously was trying to get my attention so he could profess his undying love, but my chubby-girl hotness was just too much for him.) Pommer is wearing the "A" this season, and excretes excellence, as we all know. (Side note: I was asleep the other night when I got a text from a friend saying "Rumor has it you're out with J-Po." Unless he was hiding under my bed, that rumor was-alas-completely false.)

I can't just pick a favorite out of a hat and be done with it. I need to be won over by excellent plays, hat tricks and bashfully modest interviews. I'm totally open to suggestions as to who my new favorite Sabre should be-I'm totally adrift on this one.

Meanwhile I totally have MSG now. Who's excited? This kid.

2 comments:

  1. Go for Millsie... you can do it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. 1.brian campbell is stupid 4 his choice
    2.derek roy=best player ever
    3.pick roy he is a good player
    no1 knows how good he can be if ppl just listen 2 me..he is the best n always will be the best...

    ReplyDelete

Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


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