Saturday, March 21, 2009

Anne is A little Drunk And is Posting Anyway Please Stop Her

by Anne

I'm not editing this later and I'm kind of drunk. Ok not kind of. I'm drunk.

Ok so I came home after that game and finished the bottle of wine I opened last night while talking with Mama Peg and now these are my thoughts after hte game. Then I drank more. I'm really cool. But i'm 23 so its legal. OH SNAP.

The sound of someone peeing is the most disgusting sound in the world. I grew up with my room next ot the bathroom, trust me I speak from experience.

That has little to nohting to do with the game.

Ok I saw Scott Hartnell and his fro and Jeff Carter smiled at me and was kind of hot when I came in today. When did I start liking blondes? Its a new phase. I might've seen Mike Knuble at Chef's? More on that later.

I've given up on the Sabres. Straight up. This isn't news. I gave up on them like a week and a half ago. They suck.

This team is fucking terrible.

What the fuck

Who fucking chokes in every god damn third period they play?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE THIRD PERIOD? Do they think like "YO I PLAYED FOR 40 MINUTES, SCREW THE LAST 20 BITCHES!" Maybe only Tim Connolly talks like that. TIm you're totally due for some kind of catastrophic injury that only you can have. Apparently Matt Greene was hit by a car a few years ago? This is not related to Tim Connolly but someone emailed me story about it from like 2006. Poor Greener. I'm sorry my infatuation with you is only a surface love.

Like what the fuck Sabres?

At least with like the Islanders they've sucked all year and last year too so you know what ot expect. WE STARTED SO WELL. WHAT IN THE NAME OF HEYSOOS AND ALL THE SAINTS AND ALLAH AND BUDDHA AND L RON HUBBARD HAPPENED?

Speaking of that my dad got this ridiculous pamphlet about how we're all going to hell and sports are the work of the devil to distract us. Its hiliarious and bullshit. I need to scan some pictures from it. Does anyone have a scanner? Is it 1998? I'm not too drunk to make sure this post is FULL justified formatted. Blame my former boss Joe for that. He's a lawyer. and kind of a douche bag. But not too much. NOt as much as this guy my Dad used to work wtih EW.

If I didn't work at the Arena I wouldn't pay to go to a game.

I' might've created a life long Paul Gaustad fan tonight. I cna't believe I just spelled Gaustad right twice in a row.

Fuck the Sabres. Fuck them all.

Except Ryan Miller. I still luff him. Even if he looks like he just escaped from BUchenwald. I think Kim has pictures of that place? I might be making that up.

Fuck the rest of them. I don't care how "chippy" you think Thomas Vanek is SabresDotCom Twitter. Jason Pominville is really not living up to his contract.

I'm mostly annoyed that I missed Chris Butler's goal. I watched the highlights and I'm all rainbows and sunshine for him BUT NO ONE ELSE. Except Dominic Moore. He didn't ask to be traded here.

I hate my job.

Fuck the Sabres.

And the KINGS lost too. To the Pens. 4-1. But I still love the Pens. They might've been my hometown team. I could be madly in love with Kris Letang right now. Colby, come back?!!? The Kings didn't score until the third period. That sucks. At least Fleury didn't get the shutout. He's really effeminate and has a soul patch. Gross. They're not an attractive team. Evgeni Malkin is one of the ugliest sonofabitches I've ever seen. But he also happens to be a damn good hockey player. I still like Sidney Crosby, I'm sorry. I do. We large bottomed ladies need to stick together.

Leann Rimes husband is a 'mo? I just started reading Perez and got distracted.

My mother went to the University of Pittsburgh and could not be happier about their successes in March Madness. PI-TT PI-TT HAIL TO PITT OR SOMETHING. My dad was in teh glee club and my mom turned pages or something. That's how they met, its a cute story. I only care about basketball if UB or Pitt are involved.

Right, hockey.

Christopher's goal was the only highlight of my evening. That and when I convinced this kid Goose was his favorite player. Something about a green team. I don't remember.

The new food vendor was wearing his retainer tonight at the game. HWAT? WHO DOES THAT?! He's like 16 and he actually talked to me tonight. GIRLS ARE NOT ANOTHER SPECIES.

Some one yelled at me and told me it was my fault the Flyers scored to maek it 2-2. I of course smiled and screamed "YOU'RE WELCOME" in his face. I'm a person. I have ears, I can hear you. I also don't like being accused of causing the Flyers to score because I hate the Flyers.

Its been almost 2 years but I'm still not over losing Danny Briere. I think I just love players named Danny. PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe cuz lots of people in my family call me Annie and I had a bff as a kid named Danny WHO HAD THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS ME. July 4th. Independence day. Write it down. Criagory was traded to us that day. woooooooooo

I love pie. Both the food and the person. He's my favorite even when I'm embarrassed to admit it. BUt I love him. Don't listen to me when I say its like Pommer or Miller. Its Pie. Or Spacek. I know how to pick 'em. I love them both. LOVE.

What the hell am I talking about? I've been drinking.

My Dad is in the living room singing Burt Bacharach or something. Its 1:00 am. MY FAMILYIS AMAZING. DON'T MESS. JIM WILL SING IN HIS FALSETTO IN THE LIVING ROOM AT 1:00 AM IF HE DAMN WELL PLEASES. He just told me it was Little ANthony adn the Imperials. Whatevs

What am I saying? I will regret this post later. I will now attempt to upload a pictuer that will make me laugh.


Greener braces himself


CRHIS KUNTIZ STAY OUTTA MY CREASE.

it took me forever to upload these.

why is this cnetered what do i click. hold on.

that's better. wait i said they'd make me laugh those didn't make me laugh. they just made me wish Matt Greene was a Sabre. Alack and fie and curses and rot.

The Sabres have driven me to drink. Literally. And cheat on my diet. ASSFACES.

They will lose tomorrow. TO CHRIS DRURY AND IT'LL BE AMAZING. I hope Sean Avery has a hat trick I kind of like Sean Avery more than I did before. I'm glad he's back he's endlessly entertaining.

Hockey is a waste of time. That's not true. I love hockey. I love it. OK, it is a waste of time but I love it anyway. I just like watching hockey. I just wish my team didn't suck.

They're still my team. No matter what. THey'll always be my team no matter how badly they lose. But I wish they'd win.

I should really stop writing this now.

GOod night.

6 comments:

  1. That was 10 pounds of awesome in a five pound bag.

    ReplyDelete
  2. When did I start liking blondes? Its a new phase.

    It's weird, isn't it? I recently started on that trend.

    Also, I love this post, because it truly sounds like basically every conversation we've had. =] And I love that.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I still loved Thomas Vanek's chippy play last night. (:

    ReplyDelete
  4. I do have pictures of Buchenwald next time you want to make a comparison let me know and I'll scan them to you so that you can have pretty pictures to get your point across.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anne, this has to be one of your best posts to date. Like yourself, i started drinking with two minutes left in the game tonight, right after the empty net goal that sealed our fate...that was 1 1/2 hours ago and a bottle of "Woop, Woop" Shiraz.
    And by the way, as of tonight, i have a double Jason Pominville bingo. My prize? NO EFFIN PLAYOFFS!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You didn't mention what happened an hour and a half after this post!!??

    ReplyDelete

Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

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