Sunday, March 22, 2009

Thievery

by Anne

Wooohoo! I'm thieving the internet from one of my grandpa's neighbors. Shhhhh! Don't tell.

To recap the weekend:

Friday night: drank lots of alcohol only to discover afterwards that I had a stomach virus as well. This is not a good combination and I highly recommend against it. I was really out of it ,really dizzy and said (out loud, very loudly while lying on the bathroom floor at 3:00 o'clock in the morning) that I blamed Scott Hartnell. I'm not saying that for a laugh, I literally blamed the Flyers for my illness. In my delerium it made perfect sense. Followed that with a strange dream involving hockey, engagement rings, a friend of my sister's from high school and my high school auditorium. I'm sure the dream made loads of sense.

Sabres lost, Kings lost, my bathroom and parents lost.

Saturday: Alternated sleeping with calling ralph on the big white phone (TMI, I'm sorry). Missed work for obvious reasons.

Sabres lost, Canucks lost, my wallet lost.

Sunday: Drove 6 1/2 hours to Pennsylvania. Heard a really macho looking tough guy with a WICKED high voice at Subway. Listened to my cousin sing "Love Story" by Taylor Swift about nine times alternated with "I Just Can't Wait to Be King" and declared about eight times that it was her favorite song. Visited my grandpa who recently had a stroke. He was doing well. Helped him program the speed dial on his cell phone and showed him how to play a CD and tape on his stereo.

Kings lost, the mileage on the car I was driving lost.

There were SEVEN Kings penalties including a 4 minute for high sticking.

All in all my THREE teams were 0-5-0. Not a single one of my top three teams earned a single point this weekend. Out of a possible ten points, three different teams could have shared, they got exactly zero. If the thought of drinking didn't make me want to keel over and die, I would be pouring myself a G&T right now.

This is baloney. When does baseball season start?! Screw hockey. Dammit. I just looked down and realized I'm wearing a Sabres shirt. Sonofab... I guess I can't hide my true colors.

5 comments:

  1. I'm gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware. Well I've never seen a king of beasts with quite so little hair.

    ...okay I'm done.

    ReplyDelete
  2. oh dear.. that drinking + stomach virus= NASTY. Been there before.. and I was miserable. It was after my friend's bachelorette party in Syracuse. I had to drive 2.5 hrs home the next day and I literally stopped at every rest area on the 90 to dry heave into their (thankfully very clean, see your tolls at work) bathrooms.

    Sorry you probably didn't want all that. I'm sure it WAS Scott Hartnell's fault because he doesn't even play for the Flyers anymore so that totally makes sense. I'm there.

    Glad your Grandpa is doing okay.

    Hope you feel (all the way) better soon dear!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Whenever I see Scott Hartnell skate around during warmups without a helmet, it makes me dry heave so I can't blame you there, and I actually like the team (WHEN THEY ARE NOT BREAKING MY HEART, NULLIFYING TRADES TO SAVE A STUPID SIXTH ROUNDER... I'm still not over that one, obvi)

    I'm very sorry you were ill. Hope you feel better soon. And that all of your boyfs get their acts together. Do they know the season is almost over?!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Seriously, if the Blackhawks hadn't beat the Kings yesterday (sorry, again), I'd probably be slitting my wrists. Or just bashing my head in with one of the old man's canes or something.

    ReplyDelete

Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


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