Thursday, September 10, 2009

Anne's Western Conference Boyfriends 2009-2010

by Anne

Oh hey there, readers, didn't see you come in.

Well, with training camp upon us and the start of the season fast approaching (!!), I've realized that it is time for me to re-evaluate my Western Conference Boyfriend (WCB) list.

I started this list last year because I discovered that the way for me to get into a team was to develop an interest in one particular player. This endeavor proved quite successful. In fact, through my Los Angeles Kings WCB (Matt Greene) I became a legitimate Kings fan. Therefore, I've decided to re-vamp my list because, in my woeful ignorance at the time, I made some very poor decisions over whom to give my heart to.

I know that its a little early, but I want to get my selections in place before the kickoff of the regular season.

So here we go:

Anaheim Ducks

2008 - 2009
I never really committed to any particular player, I think I bandied back and forth between Ryan Getzlaf and a poorly chosen J.S. Giguere. I paid zero attention to the Ducks when they weren't playing one of my four teams. Meaning, I was watching the game when Bobby Ryan did this:


Let me just say, I watched this game in my bed, half-awake, on my laptop
Its really cool to watch something and know instantly that it was something really rare.

2009 - 2010
The Ducks didn't do much in the off-season to make me like them. They sent Pronger to the Eastern Conference and traded Drew Miller to the Lightning. Ugh, gross me out. However, it was their in-season actions that gave them a ray of hope:


Mr. Wiz Wear himself,
James Wisniewski
(Also, people like to look for shirtless hockey players and find this blog and I never miss an opportunity, so: James Wisniewski shirtless, you're welcome)

It is not difficult at all to accept Mr. W as my Ducks WCB. Welcome to the club, Wiz. First Runner-Up is, of course Mr. Ryan Getzlaf, should Mr. Wiz Wear be traded or start being a douchekebab.

Calgary Flames

2008 - 2009
Jarome Iginla

2009-2010
There can be no other choice. He's my favorite NHL player. Duh. Although Jay Bouwmeester is 15 kinds of dweeby and adorable, he will only ever be playing Michelle to Iggy's Beyonce. Its just the way it is.

Those are my heartstrings he's pulling on
:)

Runner-Up: There's really no reason to need a back-up when your starter is Iggy, but I'll pick Jay Bouwmeester just because.


Chicago Blackhawks

2008 - 2009
Patrick Sharp. He's kind of pretty. But about as interesting as dry toast.

2009 - 2010
I discovered the Blackhawks are one of the more inherently annoying teams in the NHL.

I cannot deny I had quite a few chuckles over their debacle of an off-season and I feel that they've received their come-uppance for their irritating habit of finding themselves FASCINATING and HILARIOUS. Nothing is more annoying than someone who laughs at their own jokes.

That being said, I have no idea whom to choose. I can tell you it won't be Toews, Keith, Kane, Burish, Eager, Byfuglien, Versteeg, Huet, Campbell, Hossa, Bolland, Sharp, Barker, Sopel, Brouwer or Seabrook. That leaves only like 5 players. I think I'll pick Fraser because he hasn't done anything to irritate me... yet.


When I first saw this image in thumbnail form, I thought the horror on that little girl's face was brought on by looking at that creepy bastard, Dave Bolland
Alas, it is not Dave Bolland, but newly-crowned Blackhawk runner-up, Andrew Ladd
And still, Dave Bolland remains a creepy bastard.


Colorado Avalanche

2008 - 2009
JM Liles. I only picked JM because I don't give a HOOT about the Colorado Avalanche and I know he and Ryan Miller are BFFs or something like that. He's pretty but the team was pretty underwhelming.

2009 - 2010
I was all set to select JM again until some random person on Twitter reminded me about Matt Duchene. The more interviews I watch with this guy and the more I learn about him, the more I like him, so I'm down.


I'll refrain from nicknaming him "The Duch"

Runner Up: JM Liles


Columbus Blue Jackets
2008 - 2009
Rick Nash.

2009 - 2010
Rick Nash. I adore Rick Nash. He's probably my 2nd favorite NHL player. Possibly 3rd, but definitely top three.


Nasher at a benefit for this little boy's foundation; He has Cerebral Palsy


Nasher giving Luke an autograph
Awwww.

Runner-up: Derek Brassard, because James Neal punched his face in. Speaking of James Neal:


Dallas Stars

2008 - 2009
Marty Turco... then Fabian Brunnstrom... then I stopped caring.

2009 - 2010
This request was put out on Twitter (one of a few). I was suggested many players but I was most drawn to James Neal. He's young and feisty and he'll be interesting to watch on what will be a season of ??? for the Dallas Stars.


Tres chic

I enjoy how he lets up in this (his only) fight when Brassard cries uncle. Yet he still tosses away his opponent all authoritative-like:



Runner-Up: Brad Richards


Detroit Red Wings

2008 - 2009
Brett Lebda. He was demoted and then replaced by Nick Lidstrom. I wasn't too thrilled about any of my prospects.

2009 - 2010
Valtteri Filppula. Mostly because of his bogus, fake-looking hair:


So European it hurts

Here he and Matt Ellis read part of How the Grinch Stole Christmas:


Noise, noise, noise...noise

Runner-Up: Nick Lidstrom because he's pretty badass.



Edmonton Oilers

2008 - 2009
Cap'n Ethan. Ethan Moreau.

2009 - 2010
Cap'n Ethan played most of the season and he managed to shrug off what could've been a pretty serious eye injury. He shall remain.


Ethan Moreau will Pump. You Up.

Runner-Up: Shawn Horcoff because he has two different-colored eyes.


Los Angeles Kings
2008 - 2009
Matt Greene

2009 - 2010
Teddy Purcell....

Juuuuust kidding.


Ha.

Runner-Up But Not really because I love him almost as much:
Drew Doughty


Minnesota Wild
2008 - 2009
I don't remember, I have to look this up...
HOW COULD I FORGET OWEN NOLAN?! Cuz heeeee didn't play too much last year, only 59 games. I love him and his grumpy Irish ways.

2009 - 2010
Owen Nolan it shall remain.


Don't let the smile fool you, he's delightfully grumpy

Runner-Up: Brent Burns, because his picture is so jolly.


Nashville Predators

2008 - 2009
JP Dumont. I just picked him because I didn't want to investigate too heavily and Jason Arnott is kinda boring.

2009 - 2010
Shea Weber.

Why? I'm not really sure. I just like the guy. He's good and is forced to play in Nashville. I feel for him.

Something these dudes use every day, yet they usually look so awkward holding one off the ice

Runner-Up: Wade Belak because he's funny


Phoenix Coyotes
2008 - 2009
Peter Mueller. He's cute but he's kind of a snoozefest

2009 - 2010
Uhhh, I don't really plan on committing to anyone in Phoenix. Just like everyone. Else.


San Jose Sharks
2008 - 2009
March-Edouard "Pickles" Vlasic

2009 - 2010
The Sharks are kind of in a tizzy so I'm going to stick with safe, reliable Pickles.


Keep hydrated, Pickles

Runner-Up: Kent Huskins, for no particular reason.


St. Louis Blues
2008 - 2009
Jay McKee :(
At least he's a Pittsburgh Penguin now

2009 - 2010
This has been a source of great debate. Berglund v Backes. Blonde v Brunette. American v Swede. It wasn't easy, but I ultimately chose:


I enjoy the looks of pure terror

Runner-Up: Clearly, Patrik Berglund:


Ahhhh...


Vancouver Canucks
2008 - 2009
Big Bear, duh.

2009 - 2010
Big Bear, duh.

This off-season saw Mr. Bernier drop some weight and look even foxier than previously, if that is possible.


Here's a scruffier, um, "softer" Big Bear in January


Here's the newly re-foxified Big Bear
I adore him pudge or not.

Runner Up: Shane O'Brien, or SO'B.

Any questions?

That took freakin' forever. Last season I was saved from the certain DOOM of loving multiple players that I did not realize at the time where douchebags. If I have inadvertently selected a d-bag, PLEASE save me.

6 comments:

  1. My cousins grew up down the street from the Wisniewskis. One cousin went to school with his sister.

    ReplyDelete
  2. HOLY MOTHER OF HEY-ZUS, WHAT HAPPENED TO BIG BEAR?!
    I like this change? Wow. He looks great! Not that he didn't look cute before but that is a GREAT change!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Is that a numerical tattoo on Mr Wiz or just a really poorly placed photographic watermark? It could go either way.

    And holy cow, we may have to start calling Big Bear "Lil Cub" now or something.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I highly approve of your choice of Pickles.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yay Pickles! Yay Big Bear!

    I also loved this sentence: If I have inadvertently selected a d-bag, PLEASE save me.

    Well, your Sharks and Canucks choices are fantastic, no worries there! :)

    ReplyDelete

Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


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