Sunday, January 6, 2008

Good morning, Washington

by Anne

What is happening with the Caps? They walked all over the Sens knocking in 14 goals in their two games with the #1 team in the east. Tonight they put in 5 in an OT victory over Montreal.

This team has woken up a great deal in the past few games. Is it Bruce Boudreau working some crazy voodoo magic on this team? Clearly Alexander the Great makes his presence known on the ice, tallying 9pts in the last 4 games, including 6 goals. But it seems the whole Capitals team has been squeezing their cans of spinach into their mouths before taking the ice each night. Whatever it is, its nice to see some offensive spark from a team hanging out with the slacker kids in the back of the classroom that is the NHL standings. The Sabres prefer to hangout in like the 4th row, throwing spitballs at the teacher and ducking behind the Bruins when the teacher (played by Gary Bettman) turns around to find the culprit.

2 stories I heard tonight I feel the need to repeat:

At a "White Elephant" party I attended, talked with a girl who used to work at the Wegman's on Amherst Street. She told a story of how once, while working at the deli, Millsy approached her counter and ordered potato salad in a decidedly mortal, normal way. Yet, his efforts to hide his identity were not very crafty or sneaky, or successful for that matter. He chose to wear some sort of hood, hat, or headdress of some kind, conceivably to cover the fact that he's...tall? But he took a bad turn when he chose to sport the ultimate "look at me because I'm probably famous" accessory:


Aviator sunglasses. Not very stealth. Although if it were Paul Gaustad rocking the aviators, I'd giggle uncontrollably at the Top Gun references it brings up.

The second story came from Adam, a definite non-hockey fan with relatives who are even more sheltered to the ways of pucks and sticks. His Aunt Susan was in town, visiting from Florida, and decided to go to the Cheesecake Factory in the Walden Galleria Mall for dinner. As the host seated her, he leaned over and said: "Just so you know, you're sitting next to Senators", as in the Ottawa Senators. Aunt Susan, being from a part of Florida which is not Tampa Bay or Sunrise, declared: "Oh great, we're sitting next to a bunch of politicians". She soon realized that they were not, in fact, law makers and in true non-Sabres fan fashion, she proceeded to chat with John Paddock and learned some kind of trick with a cork, taught to her by some of the enemy combatants. Apparently, she also had a drink with these "gentlemen" after dinner. Adam's younger sister and I have plans to discreetly throw forks at the team when next we encounter them at the Cheesecake Factory (or any restaurant, cafe, drive-thru or food court) upon their next visit to Western New York. We have yet to devise a discreet way to hurl a dinner fork at a crowded table of people, but seeing as we have until at least March 24 to perfect our technique, hopes are high.

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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


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