Saturday, January 5, 2008

Little Things to Restore a Waning Sabres' Spirit

by S(h)ara

In these trying times, when it seems all hope has been lost, it helps to find little things to restore your spirit in the fabulous NHL team known as the Buffalo Sabres. These never-fail steps will bring a giggle and a little flicker of hope to even the most hardened Sabre fan.

(1) You Tube Videos: Classics such as the Ottawa brawl, Peters beating the tar out of Parros and even Ryan Miller's Amp Energy Drink commercial help remove the sting and make you remember the happy times.

(2) Reading Hockey Blogs: Nothing made me happier the day after the Sabres lost to the Bruins than to see Katebits, The Willful Caboose, had photoshopped a picture of Zdeno Chara and drew a witch's hat and broom on him. Priceless.

(3) Being Around Other Sabre Fans: Large groups of die-hard Sabres fans never say die. Like The Goonies.

(4) Mocking Other, Perhaps Superior, Teams: Last year after the Sabres lost in overtime to the Senators in Game Five, Buffalo fans took it upon themselves to mock Senators fans. Most memorable, was the truck full of Sabres fans with a megaphone, following two guys in Ottawa jerseys repeating over and over again "Alfredsson sucks penis." Did this accomplish anything? Of course not. Did it make those of us who witnessed it feel better? Absolutely.

(5) Calling Chris Drury a Slag-Faced Whore: Can be used at any time for any reason.

So don't give up hope, trusty Sabres fans. The glory days will come again. Until then, watch Soupy go airborne at the Winter Classic a few times. It's hilarous.

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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny

Disclaimer, yo.

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We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

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