Friday, February 8, 2008

A hard rain's gonna faaaaall

by Anne

Tis the season of players coming back to hockey, folks.

The first player to finally ante up was Scotty Niedermeyer. Welcome back, Scotter, the Ducks needed you. However, I'm very glad that they didn't take away Pronger's "C". That would've been pretty sucky:

"Hey, Chris, good practice today, man. Listen, you've shown a great deal of dedication to this team, and your leadership is really valued. Your commitment is an important part of our team dynamic and we thank you for it. But, hey, since Scotty felt like coming back, we're gonna strip you of your Captaincy and give it to the guy who only decided he felt like coming back to the season half way through, ok? Great."

Good thing the Ducks' coaching staff is smarter than that.

Next came Teeeeeeeeeemuuuuu Selanne. I don't want to talk about how ridiculous it is that he came back when he did. There should be like a December 1st deadline. In or out? Decide. But, welcome back Teemu.

Then there were those who left due to injury. Dany Heatley (::shudder::) came back to Ottawa last night and scored 2 goals. Great, good for him. I'm sure the Ottawa fans who like winning more than justice were happy to see him back. Alfie is still out, but he's only been MIA for like 4 games.

Soon Sid the Kid will return to us all, as will Marc-Andre Fleury and PenguinLand will rejoice for their return. Any time now Fleury will be back! Sid's triumphant return is growing nearer on the horizon each day!

But there is little joy in Mudville...

I know, I know, we can't have Teppo back yet. A weakened, not-fully-healed sternum is kind of a big deal when your heart is already not 100%. :( :( :( I can't help it!! TEPPOOOOOOO!!!! Come back to us!! No, no, that's ok, he needs his time to heal, maybe he can be back next season. Deep breaths. I still love ya Teps!


The rest of this post is dedicated to a former Anne'sTop3FavoriteSabre:

Tim "TimmyHo" Connolly

Fo' reals, Timmy? I know yous is hurting. I know you said one leg is way stronger than the other and apparently that's bad? Diversity never hurt anyone! Mix it up!

So you can feel the bone spur when you're just sitting down and even that hurts, but Timmy, we need ya! Your name still appears in the top 10 point scorers on the team and you've only played in 34 of 53 games! The doctor in Denver said you couldn't make it worse by playing! Take some painkillers! Embrace my total disregard for your pain and discomfort!

Timmy, I couldn't possibly care less about your personal life, in spite of the fact that many people like to discuss it. Even though it is your rumoured sluttiness that earned you the moniker "TimmyHo" from we at Sabretooth's House. You could be the biggest douchebag that's ever lived, but frankly, I just don't care. Come back to us Timmy Tims!

Tell me, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?

Oh Tims.

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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny

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