Friday, June 13, 2008

And the Winners Are

by Anne

Some thoughts from the Awards show:

Dear sweet Ovie looked like a kid who got lost on the way to the prom. Did Tuxedo Junction hook him up? There was so much shiny red vest and tie going on, I couldn't handle it. Iggy appears to have gone to the same tailor, but they gave him white with black polka dots or something.

I was pleasantly surprised by how genuine Ovie seemed in his speeches. Genuine but boring. He was annoyingly humble. I wanted him to celebrate the Hart and the Pearson the same way he celebrates his goals. They should've put in some glass for him to throw himself into after his name was announced.

When Ron McLean interviewed Iggy in the audience, it was strange. Not gonna lie. NOT THAT I DON'T ENJOY ALL THE IGGY FACETIME I CAN GET. But it was like everyone was acknowleging that Ovie had already won and they wanted to give Iggy a chance to make his speech he probably hadn't prepared. IGGY!!!!! I STILL LOVE YOU! CALL ME!!

Pavel Datsyuk looks a lot like a kid I went to college with. I've never acknowledged this before on here, but it always throws me off.

As if trying to KILL ME, the man who introduced the Lady Byng decided to write the great American Novel while yammering his way towards the nominee video. Like, for serious, it was like the event organizers wanted people to care even less about the Lady Byng than most already do. I, of course had pinned all my HOPES AND DREAMS ON POMMER'S NAME APPEARING ON THAT TROPHY. But that's ok, Pavel Datsyuk. You're no where near as adorable and lovable as Cap'n Pommers. So PHOOEY ON YOU. POMMERS IS BETTER THAN YOU IN EVERYWAY POSSIBLE. I BET HIS GIRLFRIEND IS WAY HOTTER THAN YOUR GIRLFRIEND! If they gave out an award for the player who most embraces "The System" Pommer would win every year. The award for player who gives the most upbeat post-game interviews when staring into the face of a 7-2 loss? Pommer. The award for the player who most makes me feel like he makes bad things go away and makes rainbows appear after rainstorms? Jason Pominville. The award for the player with the most adorably doofy smile? Pommer. OMG DID YOU ALL SEE HOW UNBELIEVABLY ADORABLE HE LOOKED? I didn't really get a chance to see his lady, but the girl sitting next to him for the approximately 2 seconds we saw her, she looked pretty foxy, so, well done, possibly future Mrs. Pommerdoodle. I'm jealous of your life.

Trophy 2 of 3 that I cared about was the Jack Adams. No one pulled their team out of the basement more than Bruce Boudreau. He was a minor league coach who came in and coached a young, uneven team to a division title. Granted, it was a crappy division, but they were the best of the crappy. Yay Bruce! My mom was excited because he used to coach in Hershey and my mom grew up about 45 minutes from there. It doesn't take much for my mom to find deep, meaningful connections to random people, places and things.

Trophy 3 of 3 was the Calder. I was excited, but I knew Kaner was going to win, so I wasn't as nervous about it. That glorious Buffalo flat "a" vowel accepting an NHL Award did do wonders for my overall health and well-being though. It was a nice touch for him to give a shout-out to Buffalo, especially since he's probably been here since the World Championships ended and he knows that he'll catch slack if he didn't mention us. Yes, we in Buffalo are cracked out like that.

Vinny Lecavalier is one of the most attractive men on earth. What is not attractive is that buzz cut. I know he just had surgery and all, but, really? No. He must be single... or hate his girlfriend. Vinny's hair is one of his top 10 physical attributes, why would you change perfection? No one goes up to the Statue of David and tells him to put on some clothes. On that note, Vinny, I think you should strive to be more like the Statue of David each day. Start by being naked all the time. See how Tampa Bay embraces this habit. You may want to wait until after your hospital wing is dedicated. Being naked in front of a bunch of kids is probably not the way to win anymore King Clancy's. Just sayin'.

Private to whoever gave those kids who sat on stage those jerseys:

"Lidstrom" not "Lindstrom".

Wasn't that embarrassing.

You're fired.



  1. The award for the player who most makes me feel like he makes bad things go away and makes rainbows appear after rainstorms? Jason Pominville.

    They need to give this award out every year and name it after him.


    YES!! He looked so cuddly that I could barely contain my desire to snuggle the cuteness out of him.

  2. "I wanted him to celebrate the Hart and the Pearson the same way he celebrates his goals."

    I can't agree more!

    I missed Vincent. I missed Vincent. I missed Vincent. Oh, he's so beautiful. And Pommers is his suit. Damn me.


Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny

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