Thursday, September 4, 2008

Boo-Ya. Someone's Employed. I Hate Mats Sundin.

by Anne

So its officially official, I must've passed my drug test.... seeing as how I haven't snorted coke, smoked up or shot myself up with various substances since.... never, I was pretty confident I'd pass. Ok the smoking thing isn't true, I have done that before. In college of course. WHAT A REBEL. But I digress, I was officially hired to work at DNC (ETA: DNC does not stand for Democratic National Convention... well, ok, it does, but in this case it does not) Sportservice at HSBC Arena as a food vendor. There's about a 90% chance that its going to suck, but I'll actually get to be in the rink and I may get to actually watch a few seconds of the games. That'll be sweet. Oh yeah, and I work on commission, so buy food from me. Wooooo!

There's an article on NHL.com about a bunch of players who invaded Manhattan to do promo work for the coming season.

One of the more interesting (and hilarious) sites was seeing each player having makeup applied and choosing through various wardrobes for photo shoots with NHL Images.
I bet Derek Roy came with Millsey as a fashion consultant, strictly pro bono. He dresses his fellow NHLers out of the kindness of his tiny little heart.

Soooooooo Martin Brodeur was there but didn't participate in the goalie talk? Interesting. If I were Millsey or Ricky I'd be like "Uhhhh, yeah we're excellent goaltenders and all but uh, Martin Brodeur is sitting over there, maybe we should defer to him... Now we're going to compete in the balloon shaving portion of the day's events."

Maybe its like the student teaching part of being an All-Star goaltender. Now Brodeur just sits back and watches them lead the world as he prepares to play in the final stretch of his career. Will the teacher become the student? Did Ricky and Millsey have new, profound insights on the world of the goaltender? Has Martin Brodeur's world been ROCKED?! I'm gonna go with NO on that one, but I'm sure Millsey and Ricky tried.



Dear Mats Sundin,

I straight up hate you. Like, I don't feel bad for your "difficult" decision you have to make, I don't feel bad that you have to warm up for 30 minutes before a game. I don't care that you're uncertain if you can play at your usual level again I DON'T CARE. In case your manager has neglected to inform you, YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG. MAKE UP YOUR GODDAMN MIND AND STOP BEING SO DAMN FULL OF YOURSELF. THIS IS NOT A DIFFICULT DECISION. CHOOSING AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL IS A MORE DIFFICULT DECISION. JOHN KERRY WAFFLES LESS THAN YOU DO. DECIDE! CHOOSE HOCKEY. PLAY HOCKEY. HOCKEY HOCKEY.

The Canucks, Rangers and Canadiens organizations have got to be royally pissed off. Of course, on paper, to the media pre-Sundin's decision they'll talk about how they understand his dilemma and such a storied NHL veteran deserves the time he needs to make the best decision for himself. But you know the second he puts pen to paper or retires, the other teams will be lashing out at him like the scorned ladies he lead on for months and then took Julie to the prom instead. He's left them all hanging, and for what? To dick around for the summer and not decide anything? Now he's not even sure if he'll decide before the season starts! He wants to pull a Niedermayer/Selanne. GARY BETTMAN, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. I don't mean about Mats Sundin, because with my current level of annoyance with him, I'd just as soon cover him in honey and tie him to an anthill, but about this "retirement" thing. Don't let players un-retire after, say November. If it causes some players to retire early then SO BE IT. They can un-retire later if they really want to.

And on the "WAH WAH WAH I HAVE TO WARM UP FOR A LONG TIME" front, Mario Lemieux (who is the vastly superior hockey player) had so much back pain at the end of this career that someone else had to tie his skates for him, but HE STILL FREAKIN' PLAYED. Did he un-retire for the right reasons? Who cares, he still played and with his crappy team he helped bring Sid the Kid to Pittsburgh. He helped keep the Pens in Pittsburgh and helped keep fan interest and it has paid of TENFOLD in the last 2 years. When Mario retired, he retired, when he played, he played. END OF STORY.

MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

I think as punishment, Mats Sundin should be forced to play for the Thrashers.

I have never liked Mats Sundin as he as played the majority of his career with our division rivals, but now I flat out hate him. Joe Sakic made up his mind in plenty of time for training camp. He's a CAPTAIN and he acts like one. You, Mr. Sundin are a great big bald Swedish baby. How could you possibly not know if you can play? Talk to a therapist and a trainer. What else is there to figure out? Are you like the 4th grader who's unsure about transferring to a new school? Well just have Mom buy you that shiny new Camp Rock pencil box and you'll be the talk of the town! Everyone will want to be your friend. CASE CLOSED.

Please choose Vancouver so you'll be far away BUT DON'T YOU CORRUPT MY BIG BEAR. I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS WITH HIM IN 15 YEARS.


I'm not sure who this is, but I love them


Screw you,
Anne

1 comment:

  1. i don't get anything at all that you wrote!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    ReplyDelete

Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny


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