Friday, December 12, 2008

They Must Really Love Me

by Anne

My fledgling potential one day future Western Conference team to follow is the LA Kings. Once the Canucks pull out some douchebaggery like the Flames (Todd Bertuzzi, anyone?) or Ducks (Really, Chris "Stompy" Pronger as your captain? Teemu? Nieds? No?) I'll need someone to fill in. At the moment, the current heir-apparent is the Chicago Blackhawks, but what if Brent Sopel goes batshit crazy and throws Kaner through the glass during practice one day? Hey, it could happen.

Anyway there are precious few reasons to love the LA Kings. They were DEAD LAST in the West last year and this close to bottoming out in the League but Tampa said "PSH, we can top you and your seven different starting goaltenders, watch THIS!" Yet, you have to respect management. They didn't go hogwild shopping on the free agent market like a teenage trust fund baby with Daddy's plastic. They made a few trades, did some signings and, at least for the moment, have worked out the goaltending situation. Its not the greatest goaltending tandem in history but its much better than the revolving door they had in net last year. And, hey, Tom Preissing also has that entertaining blog so that endears them to the world.

ONE OF THOSE trades they made was to take dearly beloved Matt Greene, away from Edmonton and transplant him into the wilds of Los Angeles. I imagine being an Oiler is a much bigger deal those in Edmonton than being a King is to those in Los Angeles. Poor Greener. Or maybe is it "Hooray for Greener"? BUT they made him and alternate captain and gave him some job security with a 5 year extension. Although, who's with me in that we need an off-the-ice-funny, hard hitting, big, stay at home defenseman who usually loses every fight he gets in but that's ok because he's sweeeeet and we have Goose and Petey and Mairsy and Yoyo(?!?!) to take care of that for us? Really? I figured you were all on board.

Anyway, normally after the Kings win I peruse the photo gallery for some happy pictures of Mateo. Normally I find one of 2 things: part of his back in the corner of a photo in front of the net or not a single image of him.

HOWEVER. Who ever was manning the camera last night is probably my new best friend, or it might've been me, actually, if a human being can divide oneself and one half writes a paper on Chekhov and the other watches a hockey game. Greener was on the ice for like 16 minutes (losing a fight pretty badly will do that to ya) but these games photos make it look like he never left it.

Ahem, Matthew?
That thing over there on the ice? Yeah, the "helemet".
That goes on your head.


Cellllllebrate good times, come on!

Feel the love of a stay at home defenseman

I had a dream this morning that Nathan Gerbe died. I was really really upset when I woke up this morning and actually checked to make sure it wasn't true. I hate having dreams like that. I was shaken up about it for like an hour before I pulled myself together and realized its probably just my subconscious expressing my displeasure that he has not yet registered a point.

Ugh, I'm really not looking forward to tonight's game and all he currency conversions I 'll have to do in my head. :(

I've heard such scary things about Toronto fans. I worked the pre-season game, but that's the pre-season, emotions are not nearly so high.



  1. Maybe you should invest in hockey equipment for tonight...

  2. Oh wait... maybe you can pretend to faint or be hurt and the big animal Goose can come and rescue you...

  3. You have to do currency conversions? At my job we just take Canadian money as face value.

  4. Maybe you should invest in hockey equipment for tonight...

    seriously, there's got to be some extra goaltending equipment lying around downstairs!

  5. Oh wait... maybe you can pretend to faint or be hurt and the big animal Goose can come and rescue you...

    yyyesssss!!! ok so remind me for the billionth time to remember to write about Goose's pregame ritual. i keep forgetting to write about it.

  6. You have to do currency conversions? At my job we just take Canadian money as face value.

    Ugh, not at DNC Sportservice, its 25% so like, $5= $3.75, but if they give me a Canadian $5 for like, a bag of twizzlers, I still have to give them an American quarter which isn't exactly the right exchange and if that happens a lot I'll start losing money, its really annyoing.

  7. I had a dream this morning that Nathan Gerbe died.

    Back when the Sabres were in danger of leaving Buffalo, I had a dream that all the Sabres died during the game. I forget what happened to Timmy (I kinda feel like he got stabbed with a stick?), but I vividly remember that, during the game, the glass broke, so Marty got up on the ladder to fix it, and somehow ended up hanging himself... I WAS TRAUMATIZED. It was terrible.



Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny

Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

anniebeeswax [at] gmail [dot] com