Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Analyzing our Analytics

by Anne

Whoever invented Google Analytics is the greatest person to ever live. It is good for never ending entertainment.

About once a week, I check our Google Analytics search engine stats because they're frequently totally ridiculous. They're mostly "Sabretooth", "Paul Gaustad Sabres", and "Pat Kaleta middle name" type searches, but there are a few gems and some that leave me scratching my head.

For example, we have two hits for "Nashville Predators". Exactly how long did you have to page through Google's results before you got to our page? I'm guessing quite a while.

There are some definite "huh?" search terms:

To the person (or persons) who finds our site by searching for shirtless hockey players, uh, sorry. I can recall posting pictures of Vinny, Ry-ry, Higgy and Eric Godard shirtless, but not any of the following that were being searched for:

Jason Spezza
Jarome Iginla
Marian Gaborik
Rick Dipietro
Nathan Gerbe (?!?!?!)

I also appreciate the "90s school picture with laserbeams" hit. That is in direct reference to a picture of Derek Roy in this post.

Also, the person who searched for "chocolate icecream", Hey there! I don't think a hockey blog is what you were looking for but, FYI, Breakaway Berrier is quite tasty.

Other entertaining hits include:

"welcome to the house of awesome"

We are pretty rockin'

"where does Derek Roy house"

I don't know. Where DOES Derek Roy house himself?

"Sabretooths grandson"

Congratulations, Toothy!

"leg and soul pain"

Sometimes, when a player's leg is in pain, his absence causes my soul pain, too

"Max Leake and Amerks"


"house fuck"

Wow, I never knew our blog contained so much profanity

My favorite goes to:

"'brady bunch movie' mic groin'"

Exactly what we were going for when we started this blog. I searched for it and the top hit for that exact phrase is a page of posts from January; one in which I mention how much one of the Jonas Brothers looks like the kid who played Greg in the Brady Bunch Movie, and another post where I talked about Afinogenov's groin.

First runner up is:

"doota baranek"

Is that a person? I searched for it and got a random website in Russian....not our blog.

One that creeped me out the most:

"Paul Gaustad mothers house address"

Um, please don't stalk Mother Goose. That would not be cool.

"Derek Whitmore" is the search term that brings us the most traffic. I, apparently, am the only person on the interwebs that gives a hoot about our undrafted recently signed college player. Whoops. Thanks to MK for our #2 hit of "Oscar Kaleta is a BAMF".

"Ryan Miller" is by far our most popular tag, next one is "Paul Gaustad" Really? I thought it'd be "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here".

Not surprisingly, our overall hits were on a steady decline through March. Why is this not surprising? Because the Sabres were also on a steady decline in March, and who wants to read blogs about a slowly declining team? Well I do, but we bloggers are probably in the minority on that one. On the other hand, site visits went drastically UP in the month of April...as did my hope for the Buffalo Sabres.

There are peeps all over the place reading this thing. Some of them are me updating during vacation, but, 5 in Massachusetts, 17 in California? 24 in Florida? I'm gonna assume the 24 in Florida have something to do with all the posts about Richard Zednik. Who are you people?

I assume any or all of the Europe ones are Gambler or my old roommate who's in the UK right now. Who's reading our blog in Iran and Argentina? 27 hits in Austria? All from Vienna? SABREBRITNEY?!?!?! ARE YOU READING OUR BLOG? On the off chance he is: Don't take all those "Britney" jokes to heart, Thomas Vanek, I TOTALLY love you, hahaha. Wait, didn't Gambler say she was in Austria? Although, I'm assuming she didn't visit our blog 14 times in one day....Vanek? Wikipedia tells me that he was born near Vienna, lol.

Anyhoot, thanks for reading and searching for totally random things!


  1. splendid post. I too love Google analytics (I just did a post about that last night, which included some photos of a very attractive hockey player. He's not a sabre but he's pretty.)

    And that Derek Roy post- OMG HILARIOUS! that one was before my time, but man I can appreciate that. I have seen those pics of Royzie, except for the one where he's signing whatever it is that he's signing and oh my goodness but he has NIIICE arms! Holy wow. so yeah, thanks for that. :)

    Carry on.

  2. Wait, didn't Gambler say she was in Austria? Although, I'm assuming she didn't visit our blog 14 times in one day....Vanek?

    Yeah, I am in Vienna, and, um, I tend to get bored. But that doesn't mean Vanek can't be in Vienna and bored, too!

    Thanks for reminding me about my Google Analytics page! I haven't updated my blog with anything worthwhile in like... well, ever, but I'm sure that won't stop it from having some interesting statbits to show me!

  3. Uhhh oh wow I almost died reading this. I love searches. Sometimes I get really creeped out though. People know what you're doing, it's like facebook stalking. Which reminds me, I miss my map. I had to take it down because it wasn't working right. It was so cool to see where people were reading from.

  4. I looked for shirtless Iginla HAHAHA. In case you were wondering I found it.



Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller" Shutout - A 58 minute multi-goal shutout lead that is blown by Miller allowing one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes
  • Craigory - Craig Rivet
  • Full Monty - Steve Montador
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Noodles - Derek Whitmore
  • Oscar - Anne's cat and STH's unofficial mascot
  • Parsley - Jimmy Bonneau
  • Sir Christopher - Chris Butler
  • Sissy - Jaroslav Spacek
  • Telly Monster - Mikael Tellqvist

Because It's Never not Funny

Disclaimer, yo.

Almost all of our pictures are borrowed from other sources. If they're yours and you don't want us to use them, just shoot us an email and we'll take them down.

We have nothing to do with the Buffalo Sabres, the National Hockey League or the actual "Sabretooth's House" located in HSBC Arena, we're just borrowing the name. If anyone is offended by anything we've written, get over it, it's a personal blog, not an accredited news source.

anniebeeswax [at] gmail [dot] com