Sabres in New Joisey

by Anne

Tonight I have a show, so of course, tonight the Sabres are playing a game. This time, the season's first match-up with the New Jersey Devils.

I have no strong feelings about the Devils. I like Zach Parise, Marty Brodeur, Paul Martin Travis Zajac and PETEY!

Petey hasn't played since last Friday. Think Jacques will let him get in on this one, especially with Jay Pandolfo out?
 ETA: Petey's out for tonight according to Sabres' Edge. Guess this will have to wait:

Please don't try this tonight, Petey.

Goose and Mairsy would turn you inside out.

No one wants to see that :(

For some reason, I have noticed I have an affinity for (some, not all) players that went to UND. I have no particular affection for UND, but clearly I like the hockey players they turn out. If you're not sure who I mean, Parise and Zajac went to UND, along with Drew Stafford, Matt Greene, James Patrick, and Mike Commodore. T.J. Oshie and Jonathan Toews went there as well but I don't have strong feelings about either of them. I feel badly about Ryan Johnson's injury (UND alumni) but before that I didn't feel too strongly about him, so I won't pretend that because he's injured I've adored him all long. Current Sabres prospect Corey Fienhage attends UND so I'm sure it won't be long until I love him or am indifferent about him. Portland Pirates goalie JP Lamoureux wen there as well. Hot.

Back to the Devils: I'm deeply ambivalent about David Clarkson: he's pretty but he can be kind of a dbag. But mostly he's pretty, so I'm ok with it. He's a little Goose-like in that respect. They don't really have any players that I strongly dislike, now that Bobby Holik's NHL career has gone the way of the dinosaurs.

I hope Petey doesn't try to start anything if he's playing tonight. I love Petey and that would make me love him a little less. I do, however, hope that he messes with Royzie a little, and maybe messes with Millsy a little, just to ruffle his feathers and loosen him up.

Paulie Martin has broken his arm and will be out for a month. He's one of the Devils' top defencemen so: point in our favor.

The Devils are third in the Atlantic and are coming off of a three-game winning streak including one in MSG and one at the Igloo. The Sabres are undefeated on the road this season. The Devils are 6-3-0, the Sabres are 6-1-1. Marty Brodeur, that Saucy Minx^TM, is looking for his NHL record 100th shutout. I feel confident that the Sabres can help him out in that regard.

Puck drops at 7:00!

You too may have your very own Zach Parise UND Fighting Sioux bobblehead

Enjoy it, this is their last season as the Fighting Sioux. I vote they go back to "Flickertails"

In other news:

The Kings are playing in San Jose and the Pens are hosting the Habs. Sa-weeeet. The Kings host the Canucks tomorrow and I'm not ok with it. This is the first time this season any of my four teams are playing each other. Basically, when it's not the Sabres, my loyalties are confused :(

Phew! Finally, Some Hockey!

by Anne

Phew! Finally! Hockey came back for us last night. I watched 2 games at the same time. The sound was on for the Worlds because I paid $4.95 to watch it and I want my money's worth. No offense Dallas, but on the off chance you pull this one off and make it to the Cup Finals, I have to start distancing myself. I can't have anything hinder my ability to root wildly and passionately for the Penguins should you face them in the Finals. I'll have to go back to hating you as much as I did in 1999. Ooooook, maybe not THAT much, I can't hate STuuuuUUUUU BARNES that much, or Brenden Morrow and Brad Richards who are duking it out for their place as my Stars PBF. Ok, let's say as much as I did in 2001.

Unnnnfortunately, if the Flyers manage to SOMEHOW get by my (temporary) boys, and the Stars manage to WIN, I'll have to throw my support BACK to the Stars. These are the times that try fans' souls.


SO! Dallas and Detroit squared off in Detroit last night. I appreciate that this year's Western Conference finalist teams are not in the Pacific Time Zone, and therefore we on the East Coast have the possibility of watching all of their games, as it is highly unlikely any of them will start past 9:30 pm EST.


I bet the first person to realize that "West" and "Best" rhyme really wishes they had patented that phrase and all its permutations. They'd be rollin' in Bentleys and Cristal and uhh other rich people stuff like truffles. I've never tasted truffles but I'm gonna go ahead and assume they're like an orgasm in your mouth because in order to buy them you have to get a 2nd mortgage or sell a vital organ on the black market. Seriously, sometimes you can buy them at Wegman's for $999.00/lb. NO JOKE. MY ENTIRE TAX REFUND WOULDN'T BUY ME A POUND OF BLACK TRUFFLE. Thomas Vanek is the only person I can think of who can reasonably justify buying them. Him and B. Tom Goli (Golly).


Unfortch that game was pretty BRU-TAL for Dallas. It was totally one-sided for Detroit. Whoops. That Osgood dude is pretty good. Detroit annoys me, they're really good without much personality. I mean, at least when the Sabres were the boss of (almost) everyone we did things like "Andrew Peters' Odd Jobs" Detroit is a SNOOZE. And, friggin', gross me out with those octopi. That's enough, get a new tradition. That one's just nasty. Although....Heeeenriiiiik I've got a coooookboooook for you to read to meeee ;)


Whatevs, tomorrow is the team I'm allowed to care about v. a team I really don't like. Unforch for the Flyers, Kimmo Timonen has a blood clot in his foot. YO. What is with bodily malfunctions that are NO JOKE these days? Halpie's ruptured ACL? Thoresen nearly losing a family jewel? Sean Avery's rebellious lacerated spleen? Now this? YIKES. GENO, PROTECT YOURSELF. SID, WEAR AN EXTRA HELMET. RY-RY SLEEP IN PLASTIC BUBBLE. NO SHARING DRINKS OR KISSING. Unless you're kissing me, then PUCKER UP! I don't have mono.


Onto better games:


Team Canada took on Team Norway yesterday afternoon. Why did Canada get the fuzzy end of the lollipop and have to play all their games in the afternoon?


They won... but just barely. It was 2-1 and the 2nd goal was scored late in the game. Roysie had an assist on my Caps PBF (Mike Green)'s goal, and then My Caps PBF had an assist on Nasher's goal. Wooo!


Kotalik had an assist in the Czech Republic's 5-0 pwning of Switzerland. Woo! Take THAT Martin Gerber. WHY ARE SO MANY GOALIES NAMED MARTIN? Brodeur, Biron, Turco, Gerber. WTF?


I FINALLY got to watch a Team USA game. It was pretty sweet, 30 seconds in Zach Parise scored, then within the next 2 minutes Patrick O'Sullivan and James Wisniewski scored. It was pretty awesome, I punched out my own 2 front teeth in celebration.


What was not awesome was Craig Anderson allowing like 3 goals on 10 shots. Granted, 2 of the German goals were accidentally deflected in by USA players....Hmmmm...they should probably work on that.... maybe in between country line dancing lessons and the afternoon nature walk.


Anyway, Zachary had 2 goals in the game, including the game winner. Pommer scored on a 5 on 3 which was very anti-climactic. Even their goal celebration was pretty low key. Apparently USA is trying to be old school European and not get excited about their goals. It was pretty weird. I was so glad to see that Pommer has decided to share with the world his NASTY ASS habit of chewing on his GROSS mouth guard. I mean, in his defense, watching him move that thing around so swiftly without using his hands is pretty impressive. His mouth must be- you know what, I've already said "orgasm" once in this post, oops now twice, so I think I'm just gonna leave it at that.


You want to hear more about Jason Pominville? OK!


So the story going around the Worlds is that Pommer grew up in Buffalo. Well, I suppose, technically he could've grown up emotionally or as a hockey player and he has aged a couple of years while living here, but ya know, grammar school, high school, puberty: all in Quebec.


Things that are different in International Play:

1. There is no-touch icing
2. The clock counts UP
3. Jason Pominville grew up in Buffalo

Here's a familiar sight to Sabres fans:

Roysie celebrating his goal against Team USA!

Look! Craig's pads match his uni, Tim Tom

I can't be too hard on Tim Tom, he pulled a classic "groin injury" out during the game against Canada. Awww, just like old times with the Dominator. In that game, Anderson allowed 2 goals on 10 shots. Ok. So I hate to rag on people...ok no I don't... but Craig Anderson kind of SUCKS. I say we keep Esche in for good. Then have the Sabres sign him. We don't need MORE YOUTH. I know Jhonas Enroth is pretty amazering and all, but we need an older BU. Besides Jhonas won't be with the Sabres next season, 1. because he's too young, and 2. oh yeah, he hasn't signed a contract as of this writing.


It's really sickening how much time I spend on hockey related websites during my day. I rotate among gossip sites, Facebook, Gmail, blogs, NHL.com, Sabres.com, IIHF.com, USAHockey.com etc. etc. It's pretty LAME. And by LAME I mean AWESOME AND I LOVE DOING IT.


Adam Burish updated and gave us all a taste of Camp Morningwood's Daily Itinerary.

Here's my favorite excerpt:

All these guys eat then head back up to their rooms for our afternoon nap.

WOW. "Our" collective naptime. Martin Brodeur was right. Hockey players are just overgrown children...does this mean they're easily trained and do what they're told? Because you've basically just described my perfect man. Throw in a deeply rooted love for washing the dishes and and an un-placeable accent and I'm yours.

Do you think he likes washing the dishes? WOOP! Don't tell me about his "girlfriend" it's all a charade.


What am I going to do come next year when I'm not sitting at a desk all day (other than be thrilled that I'm not at a desk all day?) I'll only be able to check these sites INTERMITTENTLY. WTF? How will I bring you all the up to the week updates you're all so used to?!?!

---

Private to Drew Stafford:

As much as I appreciate your hustle out there and your ability to look good while apparently sucking out loud at soccer, you really haven't yet earned your stripes back from Pommer. In fact, his hold on my heart is more secure with each passing day. Although, if I don't quickly get over this mouthguard thing, he might be in jeopardy as well.

Anyhow Staffers, keep on keepin' on. Your line looked pretty sweet tonight. You had a pretty beeyoutiful pass for a goal early on, that's nice.

Loves ya (but not as much as Pommerdoodle),

Anne

Team USA or Camp Morningwood? You Decide

by Anne

I was only kidding when I said Team USA Mini Camp was like Sleep Away Camp for NHLers. However, Adam Burish's recent blog post has done nothing to convince me that it's not. It's got such a "Dear Mom and Dad" feeling to it. Here's a sampling:

On Monday, we woke up and went to practice. Following practice the coaches informed us they set up an afternoon of paintballing for the team. So we all jumped on the bus and drove a half hour outside of Portland to a paintball field.

So the coaches are like the counselors, apparently. Are these kids so easily distracted and won't hang out with their teammates that they coaches have to create organized group outings for them? Did they have to pair off on the buddy system? They were the "old" (25+) guys v. the "young" guys (24 and younger). What is that like Halpie, Pommer and Tim Tom v. everyone else? Did Staffy and Zachy Poo use Gerb-dogg as a shield as part of their master plan of attack? Something tells me Tim Tom still fired at will. I bet Kaner was their Benedict Arnold. He totes chose new Big Brother Pommerdoodle over the Thrashmetal Zombie.

The funniest part of the experience was right when we showed up Matt Greene and Zach Parise went right to the middle of the field and on the count of three started shooting point blank at each other as we all looked on.

We've uncovered the secret to the downfall of the Edmonton Oilers and New Jersey Devils: Zachary "One smile and all is forgiven" Parise and Matt "Corner me and get me to tell you a story" Greene do not get that you aren't supposed to open fire on your own teammate. That is BAD for your team if your teammate is incapacitated. Way to alternately lead, Alternate Captain Zachy-poo.

Yes, ladies and gents, these fine young men represent our nation. Tears come to the eyes.

A group of lobstermen, who are men that catch lobsters for a living, hosted our whole team and staff for an unbelievable dinner of fresh caught lobsters, clams and mussels.

Thank you for clarifying, Adam Burish. Here I was, perpelxed that there was a host of gigantically-clawed half-men half-fish roaming Portland, Maine freely stuffing the faces of passing hockey players with seafood.

Although, yo, Team USA sounds like a BLAST. I bet Team Canada is all regimented and "DON CHERRY SAYS WE'RE THE BEST!" and don't have fun group outings. Even the massage therapist got in on the action and ate 3 lobsters. That's AWESOME. I would totally rather hang out with Team USA.

I hear Dmitri Kalinin is a funny guy. I bet he and Ovie are creating all sorts of glorious Soviet mischief and Afinogenov doesn't think its funny.

Team USA starts off the Tournament on Friday against Latvia at 7:15 EDT. You can watch the games here.

Together At Last! Together Forever! We're Tying a Knot They Never Can Sever!

by Anne


Oh Joy of Joys! Are our hearts so lucky? Correction, is Drew Stafford's heart so lucky?


NJ.com reports that Zach "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" Parise will be playing for Team USA in the World Championships. Wa-hoo!


Lest we forget, and as I like to mention ALL THE TIME. Staffy and Zachary were on the Team USA World Juniors team that brought the USA its first and only gold medal in 2004. Wooooo!

Look at that smile! :(

Also, next to Zachary in that picture is Patrick O'Sullivan, also on Team USA 2008. Hot. Stuff. I'd heard rumor that Paulie Martin of the Devils would be playing as well. Confirmation please? You only have until Thursday to report to camp! Now that the Bruins are out, think Yicky Phil Kessel will represent his country? I may not like him but he's good and he'd probably help out the team. Ewwwwww I don't want to cheer for Phil Kessel...it's kind of short notice to go to Maine for Phil. Although the only team he could play for that would be closer is the team that ousted him. OHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!


Seriously though? WHY ARE THESE PRACTICES IN MAINE? Granted, I'll be working until like the 2nd last possible game of the tournament, but WHATEV, it doesn't matter. How can this team of American Hotness be so far away? So what if its like the first time ever that the Worlds are held in North America and they could be in Finland or something...whatevs!


All of this extracurricular playoff hockey viewing has opened my eyes to a whole world of hotness heretofore unexplored. Our roster of All-Star hotness will definitely be getting at least a partial revamping for next season. Owwwww! Maybe we'll finally get around to making that roster of All-Star Fugness. That one isn't as much fun to make. Who wants to sit around and compare ugly hockey players? I'll pass.


On the Sabres front, the issue of acquiring a new backup goaltender is being raised. Most believe that we will not keep T-Bone. Who's available? Valiquette? Huet? Is he really back-up material? Dan Ellis? same for him. I don't see either of those guys playing 2nd fiddle. I do like Dan Ellis though. He's one of those feel-good stories about the guy who nobody wanted, then lead his team to the playoffs and won 2 games against the monster Detroit Red Wings. Ok, there's also Ray Emery but that won't happen so I won't even talk about it. I'm pretty sure Ray Emery needs to peace out of this division. Is Raycroft available? He did win the Calder. I'd take him over Emery any day.

Tonight will be an excellent night of hockey. Two of the most physical series of the playoffs both go to Game 7 tonight. Woop!

Sidenote, I laughed really hard at Don Cherry's comments about the Wings/Preds series. He said he was amazed that that many men could skate around the ice for that long without bumping into each other. Haha, I didn't watch much of that series, but I'm guessing it wasn't very physical. I don't like the Red Wings. I don't hate them or even really dislike them, they're just a bizarre team. No joke, everytime I watch them in their fugly uniforms I feel like I'm watching a classic game from the 1970s.

Go Caps! Go Flames!! WOOOOO!! AO!! GREENER!! J-ROME!!

Fo. Sho.

By Anne

I cannot recall a recent NHL game that went into overtime that did NOT go into a shootout. I'm sure there are some, but I have not watched any of them. I've seen them in the past, of course, but in recent games I feel as though they've ALL been shoot outs. I hate shootouts. Basically it's a "which ever team has the goaltender that's harder to trick wins". What a shocker- Luongo won it for the Canucks in the shootout. Should've picked Hasek for my Mr. Zero though. He lasted almost the entire game with no goals. CURSE YOU LUONGO! No! WAIT! I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO CURSE PEOPLE! I mean: well done Roberto, trying to give the Blues some confidence by letting those 2 in. Good job. You're so great. I wish you nothing but health wealth and happiness with the new baby!

::Looks around shifty eyed for NHLPA reps....(I think I'm safe)::

Tonight 26 of the NHL's teams will be playing. It's like the All-Star weekend is the final exams and they're cramming in tons of last minute study sessions in the days leading up to it.

The Sabres face the Dallas Stars tonight. The Stars are #2 in the West. We're #13 in the East, only 1 point up on the Lightning who are in last place. I can't talk about it. I'm not optimistic. I'm probably not going to watch. There are 2 new episdoes of Chuck on tonight. Chuck never makes me want to punch a baby. But he also doesn't make me swoon or squeal like a piglet when I see him.

The freakin' Leafs won again. If I have to give up my "at least we're better than the Leafs" mantra, things will not be pretty.

I've managed to make it many hours without maiming or dismembering an NHL hockey player. (Sorry, Tyler Kennedy! Mono's a bitch! Stop kissing random hussies!) But I can report that, through no fault of my own, Mr. Hit-'Em-From-Behind, Ilya Kovalchuk has been suspended for 1 game following his hit on Rozsival. Tsk tsk tsk Ilya, temper, temper. I still hope that picture is you even though it really doesn't look like you.

There really doesn't seem to be too much to report from the world of hockey this morning. I didn't watch any games so I couldn't curse any teams. My bad voodoo has had the reverse effect on the Toronto Maple Leafs. I say like two nice things about Jason Blake and the Leafs find themselves on a winning streak with a new -old- GM. With all those things I just said about Luongo- look out, Vancouver! Here comes the winning streak of the millenium!

In a totally non-sports related moment, the IT guys whose office I sit outside of are super excited today. Why? A new server perhaps? A systems upgrade? Nay. They are thrilled beyond words about the new urinal being installed in the men's bathroom as I type. They're having a debate over which guy on the floor should be allowed to use it first. Excellent. It's the little things in life that bring you joy. For example:

The kid on the right is Brad(y)* Murray. He, Staffy and Staffy's BFFL, Zachy P., lead team USA to their first gold medal at the World Juniors in 2004 by defeating Danny Pie-YAY who was Captain of Team Canada - oh well! I don't know who Brad(y)* Murray is, but if Staffy is friends with him then he's probably an ok dude. I don't know if Drew Stafford is a good judge of character or not, but as he's my favorite Sabre, I choose to give him the benefit of the doubt.

*Update: Ok so the person who posted this photo incorrectly labeled Brady Murray as Brad Murray, which is why I couldn't find out anything about him. If I were a crazy stalker of Staffy's life I probably would've known that. But as I am not, I don't feel shame. Brady Murray is part of the LA Kings organization. Well done, Brady.

There really is very little in life that makes me laugh more than pictures of people from when they were younger, especially professional athletes. (See earlier post regarding Derek Roy). Except, Zach Parise looks basically the same in that picture boooooo.

Ok, this makes up for it:

Intense. That paper never knew what hit it.